In Memoriam

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My Philosophy

Hi kids. I worked hard on this paper for school so figured I would post it to clear up some thoughts I have occasionally posted on here. It might be the best thing you ever read.

My Philosophy

My personal philosophy is based mostly on my culture and family influences. My family has been Christian for multiple generations, mostly as Catholics and Lutherans. My mother’s family is strong Catholics and my father came from Lutheran roots. This leads me to have Martin Luther and the apostle Paul as a couple of my influences. I have also generally questioned every opinion before I agree with it. Occasionally this means that I will not allow another to lead me without understanding their leadership style. Generally it means that I want to study something until I have an opinion on it. This is why I was able to relate to Descartes and Soren Kierkegaard.

Martin Luther is my largest influence as I was indirectly absorbing his words my entire childhood. I grew up in the Lutheran church, two synods in fact being baptised in the Missouri Synod and confirmed in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA). As a child I had very little knowledge of their differences. I knew it was however a big deal for my father and mother to switch synods, which we did because the ELCA pastor was much friendlier and more caring in the new city to which we moved. The few things I knew about Luther were that he was a reformer, that he was German and that he was a monk that decided priests should be allowed to marry. I also went to a catholic school and church in Chicago from five to ten years of age, until we moved. So in a way you can say that I was personally reformed because I had the Catholic understanding to reform. It was not until my late 20’s that I realized the radical reformer Luther was; his bravery in posting the 95 theses and his intelligence of the Bible and life. Martin Luther had a belief so strong –that God saved by grace not works—that he was willing to die for it. I find this amazing as the modern Lutheran church especially in Germany and the western world is a social club that feels they are saved by church attendance, tithing, serving and helping old ladies cross the street. These are good works. When questioned most of the Lutherans I know would not be able to explain who Martin Luther is, the purpose of his 95 Theses or the fact he was the first to translate the Bible for the masses.

Martin Luther has influenced my beliefs by his attitudes and constructions on faith. His desire to find truth and stand up it fits more easily into the bible than the need to pay for forgiveness, which seems to be more like Old Testament worship than New Covenant established under Jesus. He used scriptural basis for all of his arguments and desired to reform the community of Catholics, not to create his own denomination. In closing to his Address to Christian Nobility of the German Nation he uses strong words to stir those in Germany:

Meanwhile, since this devilish state of things is not only an open robbery, deceit, and tyranny of the gates of hell, but also destroys Christianity body and soul, we are bound to use all our diligence to prevent this misery and destruction of Christendom. If we wish to fight the Turk, let us begin here, where they are worst. If we justly hang thieves and behead robbers, why do we leave the greed of Rome so unpunished, that is the greatest thief and robber that has appeared or can appear on earth, and does all this in the holy name of Christ and St. Peter? Who can suffer this and be silent about it? Almost everything that they possess has been stolen or got by robbery, as we learn from our histories. Why, the Pope never bought those great possessions, so as to be able to raise well-nigh ten hundred thousand ducats from his ecclesiastical offices, without counting his gold mines… and his land. He did not inherit it from Christ and St. Peter, no one gave it or lent it to him; he has not acquired it by prescription. Tell me, where can he have got it? You can learn from this what their object is when they end out legates to collect money to be used against the Turk. (Knowles & Snyder, p. 382-383)

I noticed in my late teens as I explored various faiths and religions, that many people seemed to desire to create their own way and allow others to keep practicing. This seemed to be a much more eastern thought pattern to me as it didn’t judge another as wrong, just implied it. This seems to be counter intuitive of the Bible and therefore counter to my faith.

Luther influenced my involvement in that he showed me I should be willing to fight for what I believe in. He took on one of the most powerful men in the modern world and basically won. He forced the men of the Vatican to think about and defend their position. He wanted and forced a dialogue with the scholars of Wittenberg about what they were teaching and why they believed it. I have only recently found my cause to fight for and it has been an uphill battle. My cause is using the gospel of Christ to improve the lives of the world. I am willing to fight for the fact that the Gospel requires we assist as well as proselytize. We can not tell someone they need Jesus in word and not deed. We cannot let someone be hungry, under- clothed, thirsty, lonely, depressed or abused while we tell them how He protects and takes care of us. I want churches, in the western world especially, to be willing to give of their facilities and monies to assist the “least of these” as Christ directed. I often use Luther’s methods to engage people in this discussion.

Luther was a scholar and desired conversation. He didn’t want to just say what was right and wrong. He wanted to debate, study, learn, and hear the basis for someone’s thoughts. This is a method I have found value in and often will attempt to perform. Although I have found it to make many people afraid of me, and dissatisfied with my words as I explain my well rooted belief, instead of simply agreeing with them. This has been a major internal battle over the last year as I have attempted to find if my faith is true and expressed periods of doubt to Christian friends. Surprisingly they have almost all cast me down and told me I am wrong to doubt Him, while I struggle to find out if His truth is real. I guess it is shocking to some people that I would doubt what are considered cornerstones of the Christian faith. Although it is difficult for me to be sold on Jesus healing on command, God blessing on our command or God listening to our sinful prayers for things we know are outside His will. I tend to allow people to rant and then let them know that this is the process that Martin Luther and the Apostle Paul used to gain their faith.

The Apostle Paul has made quite the name for himself by questioning in writing. He is the most prolific writer of the New Testament with the most books canonized. Paul had the history of knowing the Jewish law enough to debate the early Christians and then was converted in a very shocking yet private way. This would be similar today to Rush Limbaugh making a sudden change to not only the Democratic party but to support Nancy Pelosi, President Obama and the likes of Jim Wallis and Donald Miller. Paul did not just become a Christian after killing them; he became the first major overseas missionary of the movement and was willingly prosecuted for it.

Paul’s influence of learning, preaching and being sold out for the faith was a huge step in me becoming a missionary to Asia. Many people disagree with some of his policies like women in the church, marriage and singleness, and of being part of the world. For his time, however he was quite liberal in these themes. The culture often oppressed women and therefore he was attempting to appeal to the masses when he forbids their leadership role in the early church. He thought it would have been more of a hindrance than assistance. This does not mean he was right, just that he thought he was doing what was right. Also he was simply a man. It must be understood that his biblical words were influenced by God, but still written by a man.

Paul also spent many years of silence before his ministry to study and learn about Jesus. He was not an instant preacher like so many people in today’s church, but instead left his persecuting ministry and worked to have an honest message to preach and teach. This philosophy and desire led me to realize that many of the words I was telling people might not have been tested and led me to my current season of reflecting on my faith. If I am going to have my name, face and person known as a Christian, am I knowledgeable enough to defend it? Maybe Paul asked himself that question. Maybe it is just me, but I believe that Paul lived a life of constant learning, while correcting the churches of Corinth, Galatia, Philippi and others. Hopefully one day I can be thought of in a similar manner or at least continuing learning my entire life, whether questioning or believing.

Rene Descartes is another who questioned in order to believe and learn. Descartes was a questioning Christian like my other influences and in doing so was able to prove the existence of God. He was French philosopher who worked in the early 17^th century. Descartes was only able to prove he existed because he thought, and since he thought he must exist. His thought also led him to the belief that there is a God. This is where I am often led. According to Descartes, “it follows from this [cause and effect] both that something can not arise from nothing, and also that what is more perfect—that is, contains in itself more reality—cannot arise from something less perfect.” (Abel, 1992, p. 186) Like a good philosopher though he contradicted himself. He believed that it is “in the nature of the infinite not to be grasped by a finite being like myself.” (p. 187). He made this statement even though he also thought that he had concluded that God existed. This is seen multiple times in statements like, “it is just as much of a contradiction to think of God (that is, a supremely perfect being) lacking existence (that is, lacking a perfection), as it is to think of a mountain without a valley.” And “existence is inseparable from God” (p. 189) He also believed that God is not the one that deceives him into believing there is no creator, but “some malicious demon of the utmost power and cunning” is working to deceive. (p. 179). He believed that if his spirit exists, then if would need a body to exist, and if the body existed it would need sustenance to survive, and sustenance would have to come from the earth, which could only have been created from a sovereign supreme perfect being…God. Somehow this makes complete sense to me, and referencing my ability and the ability of the smartest man, I do not see a way that we evolved from a single organism. Nor do I understand how nothing existed and then we did, no matter the length of time or space. There must be a God or perfect being somewhere someplace. It is not within my understanding however how or why He still relates to humans.

Soren Kierkegaard took this thought of not understanding God’s will to a new level. He was a Danish thinker from the early 19^th century whose life work began existentialism. He was a Christian however and often thought his searching led to people’s deeper conviction. He inherited and lived off his father’s wealth and it was a disagreement with his father that led him to question his faith and beliefs. The people of Denmark were being forced to conform instead of having their individuality praised. Denmark was transforming into a capitalist system, there was a rural to urban movement, and people were becoming more equal. Many were starting to write more, as well as read study and philosophize more. (P Jones, public presentation, May 26, 2009)

In his view the new system was corrupting the people and leading them towards failure. He, like Luther, was not afraid of calling people out.

Suppose someone invented an instrument, a convenient little talking tube which, say, could be heard over the whole land…I wonder if the police would not forbid it, fearing that the whole country would become mentally deranged if it were used. (Muggeridge, 2002, p. 81)

Kierkegaard might have been a prophet as well thinking of talk radio, television (vacuum tube used for talking?) and the internet has been heard over the entire world and has made more than one mentally deranged.

He considered himself a Christian auditor not a prophet or teacher, because apostles proclaim the truth, and auditors find the counterfeit apostles. (p. 89) He felt his job was to challenge the establishment and test them. He once wrote:

Parsons live by presenting the sufferings of others, and that is regarded as religion, uncommonly deep religion even, for the religion of the congregation is nothing but hearing this presented. As a religion…just about as genuine as tea made from a bit of paper which once lay in a drawer beside another bit of paper which had once been used to wrap up a few dried tea leaves from which tea which had been made three times. (p. 88)

He was again worried for the masses of people that were being herded like sheep. The time of Christ had long passed and the people speaking about Him had changed so much they barely represented him any longer. He also knew that the influences of all the European philosophers and thinkers had watered down the Christian gospel. He thought of a solution personally and wrote it like this:

I once contemplated the possibility of not letting myself be taken over by Christianity, to do nothing but expound and interpret it, myself not a Christian in the final and most decisive sense of the word, yet leading others to Christianity. And only now, with the help of heavy sufferings and the bitterness of repentance, have I perhaps learned enough about dying away from the world so that I can rightly speak of finding my whole life and my salvation through faith in the forgiveness of sins. (pp. 83-84)

Again, he never thought he was a teacher of the gospel but an auditor of the church. He was more willing to test the teachings and beliefs of others than to put any out himself. Ironically this leads to his belief and influence in starting the existential movement. Existentialism was “a philosophical movement begun in the 19^th century that denies that the universe has any intrinsic meanings or purpose. It requires people to take responsibility for their own actions and shape their own destinies.” (P Jones, public presentation, May 26, 2009) So Kierkegaard was raised Christian and aligned himself with Christianity, but didn’t think that God was the only one in control of his life. Ironically he is often compared and contrasted with Karl Marx. I think that both created ways of life that work extremely well on paper, but are difficult to put into action.

I am becoming more and more like Kierkegaard in that I wonder how much we have to do for ourselves, and how much we wait on God to see fulfillment. Action is required for His plan to be fulfilled, but when do we know when we are in His will and when we are in ours? This is a question I have as I search for the purpose driving my life.

My personal philosophy is inspired be many people. The most significant is Martin Luther. His thoughts and passions provide a large part of my core beliefs, although they are inspired by Jesus and the apostle Paul. I have also learned and generally agree deeply with Descartes, and have in recent years realized I align with Soren Kierkegaard. I have a worldview rooted in Christianity although a questioning and tested form of Christendom.

References

Abel, D.C. (Ed.). (1992). Theories of human nature: Classical and contemporary readings. NY: McGraw- Hill.

Johnson, P. R. (2001). Luther's 95 theses. Retrieved May 16, 2009, from The Spurgeon Archive Web site: http://www.spurgeon.org/~phil/history/95theses.htm

Knowles & Snyder. (1968). Readings in western civilization. 4^th Ed. Vol 1. New York: J.B. Lippincott Co.

Lull, T. F. (Ed.). (2005). Martin Luther's basic theological writings, 2nd Ed. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press.

Muggeridge, M, (2002). A third testament: A modern pilgrim explores the spiritual wanderings of Augustine, Blake, Pascal, Tolstoy, Bonhoeffer, Kierkegaard, and Dostoevsky. Farmington, PA: The Plogh Publishing House.

Palmer, D. (2005) Looking at philosophy: The unbearable heaviness of philosophy made lighter (4^th ed.). NY: McGraw- Hill.

Suzanne's First Day Out - Prison Fellowship

Suzanne's First Day Out - Prison Fellowship

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He Did It

I am not much of a poet and generally admit that…but this past Good Friday I was in an amazing time of reflection and worship. I just re-found it on my phone and thought I would share. Good Friday is the service I always try to go to church on…often a liturgical church for some reason. I allow myself to miss other Sunday services and midweek and even special services with little debate, but it is always hard for me to find an excuse good enough to miss Good Friday. This year was no different…I know it is now June, but it took me a while to sit down and get this off my blackberry and online…here is what I wrote between insanely acrid tears.

He Did It

The tears burn
The helplessness is strong
I can’t stop thinking
I did that
That mark
That wound
That pain
HE did it for me

I was the reason
I couldn’t help it
I said
I couldn’t stop
I said
It was the enemy
The world is to blame
The circumstances were unfair
I said, but
HE did it for me

BUT NO!
I protest
This is my fault
I will clean up
I will change
I will redo that
I won’t do that again
I will be nicer
I will be sensitive
To them next time
I won’t be so bold
I…I…I can do it
If I had another chance

It is finished
HE said
There is nothing
To do over
No need to change
The past
All is forgotten
All is new
All is f-o-r-g-i-v-e-n

It is finished
My marks
My wounds
My pain
My sin
Are finished

Thank you Jesus
Thank you God
Thank you for suffering
For me
Thank you for dying
For me
Thank you for resurrecting
For me
Just…Just…thanks

new theme

I came here to look for something I wrote a while ago and noticed I was sick of the same design. Please let me know if you don't like this new theme. I kind of think it's cool, plus it is named HERBERT. C'mon, who doesn't like Herbert?

I actually have thought this about a couple people- Mother Lawrence and Major Ian Thomas. But I am doubtful anyone has felt that from me…time to turn my life that direction.

Peace.
Jeremiah

From Catalyst
http://www.catalystspace.com/content/read/francis_chan/

Are You a Good Christ?
By Francis Chan
I think it's time we stop asking ourselves the question: "Am I a good Christian?" We live in a time when the term "Christian" has been so diluted that millions of immoral but nice people genuinely consider themselves "good Christians." We have reduced the idea of a good Christian to someone who believes in Jesus, loves his or her family, and attends church regularly. Others will label you a good Christian even though your life has no semblance to the way Christ spent His days on earth. Perhaps we should start asking the question: "Am I a good Christ?" In other words, do I look anything like Jesus? This question never even entered my mind until a friend of mine made a passing comment to me one day.
Dan is a long time friend of mine. In fact, he's the pastor who performed my wedding. He was talking to me about a pastor named Von. Von has been working with youth in the San Diego area for decades. Many of his students have gone on to become amazing missionaries and powerful servants of God. Dan described a trip to Tijuana, Mexico with Pastor Von. (Von has been ministering to the poor in the dumps of Tijuana for years). Dan didn't speak of the awful living conditions of those who made their homes amidst the rubbish. What impacted Dan the most was the relationship he saw between Von and the people of this community. He spoke of the compassion, sacrifice, and love that he witnessed in Von's words and actions as he held these malnourished and un-bathed children. Then he made the statement that sent me reeling:
"The day I spent with Von was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus."
Dan explained that the whole experience was so eerie because he kept thinking to himself: "If Jesus were still walking on earth in the flesh, this is what it would feel like to walk alongside of Him!" After that discussion, I kept wondering if anyone had ever said that about me-"The day I spent with Francis was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus." The answer was an obvious "no." Would any honest person say that about you?
What bothered me was not that I hadn't "arrived," but that I wasn't even heading in the right direction. I hadn't made it my goal to resemble Christ. I wasn't striving to become the kind of person who could be mistaken for Jesus Christ. Isn't it ironic that a man can be known as a successful pastor, speaker, and CHRISTian even if his life doesn't resemble Christ's?

1 John 2:6 "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."
When John made that statement, he wasn't speaking about how to be a church leader or even how to be a "good" Christian. He merely stated that anyone who calls himself Christian must live like Jesus did. So how did Jesus live? You could make a list of character traits to compare yourself to, but it would be far more beneficial to simply read through one of the Gospels. After you get a bird's-eye view of the life of Christ, do the same with your own. Are you comfortable with the similarities and differences?
It's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of "success" as American church-goers define it. The thought of being well-known and respected is alluring. There have been times when I've been caught up in the fun of popularity. I've even mistaken it for success. Biblically, however, success is when our lives parallel Christ's. Truth is, there are many good Christs that you'll never read about in a magazine. They are walking as Jesus walked, but they are too focused and humble to pursue their own recognition.
May we make it our goal to someday have someone say of us: "The day/hour/15 minutes I spent with ______ was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus."
As Christians in America, we often complain about how antagonistic people are toward Christ. Personally, I'm not sure that Americans are really rejecting Christ. Maybe they just haven't seen Him.
Try to be COMPLETELY honest with yourself right now. Is the following true of you?
You passionately love Jesus, but you don't really want to be like Him. You admire His humility, but you don't want to be THAT humble. You think it's beautiful that He washed the feet of the disciples, but that's not exactly the direction your life is headed. You're thankful He was spit upon and abused, but you would never let that happen to you. You praise Him for loving you enough to suffer during His whole time on earth, but you're going to do everything within your power to make sure you enjoy your time down here.
In short: You think He's a great Savior, but not a great role model.
The American church has abandoned the most simple and obvious truth of what it means to follow Jesus: You actually follow His pattern of life. I pray for those who read this article- that we don't become cynical or negative toward the church. Instead, let's make a personal decision to stop talking so much and begin living like Jesus. Then we can say as the apostle Paul, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1). My guess is that you've never had someone say that to you, and you've never said it to anyone else. Why Not?

Francis Chan is the pastor of Cornerstone Church and the president of Eternity Bible College in Simi Valley. In addition to being a pastor, Francis speaks to thousands of youth throughout the U.S., challenging them to deeper commitment. He can be heard on his radio program "Truth Be Known." Francis has a great sense of humor, a genuine love for Christ, and a commitment to teach straight from the Word of God. Francis and his wife Lisa have been married for twelve years and have three daughters and one son: Rachel, mercy, Eliana, and Ezekiel. He is a graduate of the Master's College and Seminary.
Banner image from wickenden, used under the Creative Commons License.

I'm Old

I haven't seen a walker in my hallway yet so maybe I have good friends still. Or maybe it will be there in the morning, i could use it some days! Thanks to all of you that have given or helped me mold the memories created in these thirty years of life. The 17 countries, the 41 states, the 10+ houses, the 30+ jobs, the girls... all of that has been a ride that has been the scariest and yet most exhilarating roller coaster ever.

Thanks all...



(I will be back to blogging and writing more consistently when my homework is done in Feb 2010)

Will it soak this up?

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

Seriously wiki "Vince Shamwow" and be amazed!

I'm old...rich slave masters

I am writing this after ingesting another 3 Ibuprofen because my back popped/ went out/ spasmed out of control on Wednesday, when I grabbed my coffee cup. It felt like a rubber band popped and all I could do was grunt. It is has lead to OTC drug use and some difficulty staying in one position for more than 10 minutes.
It was doing well this morning, but I bent down to put in a DVD and it popped again. So it seems like a great time to update the world on the life of Jeremiah.

My body is shutting down…my finger somehow became infected and caused typing to become almost impossible. It also caused aches all over my body making me wonder if I had some staph infection. It is finally better. I have been fighting an “almost cold” for a couple weeks now. I feel like I have gone for 29 to 49 in a week. But am glad I have 2 months left before I leave the 20s.

Lately I have been crazy busy with work and school, but also am getting more involved with being social aware. The biggest role has been with Not for Sale Campaign. I am attempting to network with local churches to make them aware of the problem of human trafficking and modern slavery around the world. There are projects ongoing around the world, this country and this coast. We are attempting to start by slowing (and hopefully eventually stopping) trafficking and slavery (involuntary servitude) in Portland. For most that is simply not eating at restaurants with lawsuits against them or are being investigated. If they are settled, most are slowly appearing on the slavery map wiki. And in Portland it truly means avoiding and preventing the use of the many sex shops and clubs in Portland. For the supposed number of socially conscience Christians in Portland we also have the most per capita sex clubs in the country. Including cities were prostitution is legal (Las Vegas) and are much more heathen than Portland (I hear) like New York and San Francisco. I am not so sure only the non-churched of Portland are making those shops profitable.
Now I realize that it is impossible to know where all of our clothes, cleaners, food –coffee, chocolate, sugar and jewelry come from but we can attempt to research before we buy. Not for Sale just started a new website that is highlighting Free to Work companies and also those that have been recently raided. I implore you become socially responsible.

Perhaps, I am on this rant as well because of the movies I have watched lately.

There Will Be Blood and Blood Diamond both show the internal struggle of the human brain and more specifically profiles men who chose money over family. This makes me sad. I am scared that the truth in the movies is more prevalent than the people who would choose the family over the greed. This can be seen in our daily news, as we still pay athletes 60 million dollars, and don’t pay our teachers over a minimum livable income. As we buy name brand coffee because that keeps our economy strong, but wont offer to buy that beggar a sandwich because he just got a handful of change from the lady in front of us. We keep our money in our mattress even though inflation is slowly making it worthless, or in the bank where the bank is paying us less and less each month.

So this is my plea…don’t support slave masters and don’t let those on the street become slaves to have a meal. If you have a job you are lucky. If you have a savings plan, even luckier. And as I have said before…if you are reading this on a computer…you are rich!

The author is included in those remarks.

Step.

Do Something

Snow, Snow, Snow

I generally like snow. It brings this purifying effect over everything. the world gets brighter in my opinion.
But then there is too much snow. Which in scientific terms is the amount that a city can not clear off roads so that city people like me can move. That's right I said i need to move, to the store for food, to work to make money for that food, and to the airport to go home for the holidays.
As i write this i should be at home for the holidays, sleeping. Instead i have struck a deal with my work and am working so i can stay later when i do get out of town.
The airport shut down for a period of time last night that included my flight. That is generally not a problem. The problem is it had been doing it for three days, causing people to be packed into the airport demanding the flight i might have gotten on.
So now I am left to dream of what life would be like without this white stuff ruining my plans.
I was doing good with it until I got into work and Outlook popped up "Vacation Time- overdue 9 hours"
Thanks for reminding me.

Merry CHRISTmas all.

If Prop 8 outlawed divorce

Comment on this...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

10 years

That day has come again. Boy do I miss you Dad.

Pray NOW

Received this from a friend today. I know Sharlene as well. I know she is amazing as well. We need to be praying for a miracle, for whats life's worth.

Dear friends,

I’m sending this email to you because I know of your great love and faith. It’s my prayer that we can come together to serve, love, and bless a dear friend in need.

I have a dear friend Sharlene who I met when we were both serving in YWAM Malaysia... Over the years I’ve returned to the States and she is now in South Africa but our friendship grew even stronger. She and I have become really close friends as we walked through early marriage together, becoming pregnant at the same time, giving birth only days apart, and raising our babies through the similar stages. I always admired her in Malaysia, but getting a closer glimpse into her heart has only heightened that fondness and admiration!

Well, she is pregnant now with a precious baby that doctors encourage her to abort. I will paste her email here so you can hear from her own words...

“ The scan at the doctor showed a serious problem with the baby. The condition is known as anencephaly, which means that the brain did not develop at all. Medically speaking, the baby will not survive, if he/she does, they would only live a few days at most. So of course the options are not very appealing...either termination, which most do, or carry to term, deliver the child and love them as long as G@d allows. Through 2 days of tears and prayer and desperation, we have made the decision to carry the baby and celebrate a life instead of mourn. Meanwhile, we know the reality of that choice is heart wrenching, but we have been touched by G@d in a powerful way, to battle in prayer with all our might and we feel his close presence and the comfort he promises in the valley of the shadow of death.

We cannot do this alone! Please help us to fight for this little life, to believe our G@d is good and is willing to heal. We believe this child has an eternal purpose, and no matter what the L@rd allows, we will bless His name and rejoice in Him....through tears, either of great joy, or the pain of our loss. We cannot know what G@d's ways and thoughts are now. But life reigns, it is unconquerable. Please tell people who you know love to pray, and let us know if you hear anything from the L@rd.”

My heart rejoices that my dear sweet friend and her husband have chosen to let God be the author of this child’s life and not to abort this child. They are my heroes! And I am so blessed by their faith and courage in such a difficult time! Like she said though, they cannot do this alone and they need our help... Ms. Sharlene, always the amazing mother and warrior, is starting a 24 hour prayer vigil for their child. We are wondering if you would join us. She’ll set a time slot for us to take and remember them in prayer every day. We are praying for a miracle for this family and for G@d’s glory to be made known!

Please email me if you would be able to take a time slot and pray for this family. I know it would mean so much!

Much love,
K

P.S. Please do have your churches, home groups, etc. praying for them as well...

GFA Christmas

If you need to open something this christmas.

I don't remember

Hi friends,

I just watched The God’s Aren’t Angry DVD, the Rob Bell tour from last year. It was pretty good until the end. And then it was awesome. He quoted Brennan Manning. and thanks to Google book search and the fact The Ragamuffin Gospel has been sitting on my shelf for too long I can quote you what impacted me.

P 115-116

Four years ago in a large city in the far West, rumors spread that a certain Catholic woman was having visions of Jesus. The reports reached the archbishop. He decided to check her out. There is always a fine line between authentic mystic and the lunatic fringe.

“ Is it true ma’am, that you have visions of Jesus?” asked the cleric.

“yes” the woman replied simply.

“Well the next time you have a vision, I want you to ask Jesus to tell you the sins that I confessed in my last confession.”

The woman was stunned. “did I hear you right, bishop? You actually want me to ask Jesus to tell me the sins of your past?”

“Exactly. Please call me if anything happens.”

Ten days later the woman notified her spiritual leader of a recent apparition. “Please come,” she said.

Within the hour the archbishop arrived. He trusted eye to eye contact. “you just told me on the telephone that you actually had a vision

of Jesus. Did you do what I asked?”

“yes bishop, I asked Jesus to tell me the sins you confessed in your last confession.”

The bishop leaned forward with anticipation. His eyes narrowed.

“what did Jesus say?”

She took his hand and gazed deep into his yes. “Bishop,” she said, “these are his exact words: I CAN’T REMEMBER”

I have been VERY synical as of late. I criticize and judge every word and thought that has come my way lately. So when I heard this I thought it was controversial, but true. Then it hit me, like a pound of bricks to the chest.

THAT’S ME TOO!!!

All that @$#$ I have been doing and that failure and that rejection of God I have intentionally precipitated lately, Jesus and God don’t hold that over me. I am not sure if they even care. They don’t remember it forever though. That is Biblical, no?

Rob Bell finished with multiple phrases that wrapped up his stories, many repeated….the phrases are pretty good and will be put on ym handheld as an encouragement especially as the rain is coming and I am trying to go a winter without depression. Here they are…

“You are the first person to ever trust me like that”

“As he leaned down and kissed her crooked mouth, with a smile on his face he said ‘I love it’”

“As they handed her the keys, they asked ‘Would you like a tour?’”

“I had the privilege to say, ‘You don’t disappoint me’”

As the van pulled away nearly dragging on the road.

Go rent or buy this talk and be blessed! How’s that for a review?

Christmas Gifts

Hi Friends,
I have been meaning to write about something serious to me. Christmas gifts. Many times we receive things we don’t need if not don’t even like. Don’t believe me? Check out Target or Wal-Mart or American Apparel on December 26th or 27th.

I will be sad when I don’t get to open a new book that will sit on my shelf, but that money will be much more use to an Asian family that gets a chicken that provides eggs and meat, a group that will receive fresh clean water from Living Waters Int’l or someone local a few meals and a tent to sleep in until they get their minimum wage job back.

Here are my three suggestions...

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/

Your money is transformed into a social service project that will give some one water, clothes or an education. Mt Barkley in Liberia has reported that the water crisis in their village is SOLVED. WHAT? Yes with the money that would have filled shelves with improper gifts gave an entire village fresh, clean drinking water. In full disclosure it is my church and pastor that started it, although I started supporting it before I moved here.

http://www.gfa.org/gift

GFA gives you the chance to give someone a gift they can use for years. 100% of your gift goes to a person or family in Asia. One of my family members received a note that the cash I would have spent on them bought one family a breeding pair of rabbits and another a pair of chickens. Tell me that is not better than an ugly tie or book that will sit on the shelf.

http://sweetsarahdesigns.com/main.sc

Gives useful, beautiful cards and invitations to those who can use them. It also benefits my niece so that is as good as it gets. I believe in supporting local companies and SSD is as local as it gets.

I am attempting to do my part, are you doing yours? ("you will feel guilt" said the advertiser)

Jeremiah

Late Nigth Politics

I am just a wee bit fired up and can not sleep. I am fired up because I just read a couple places in emails that the vote I just cast for the next president is going to bring the wrath of God more on this nation. I will not waste time explain the hypocrisy in that statement besides saying you better watch for the wrath if you claim to know God that well. The reason they use is one word…Abortion.

Abortion most people will agree is wrong in that killing is wrong although that definition is extended to different times in the life of a baby (fetus is too nice). Murder is wrong whether it is of a baby, of a potentially innocent inmate, a civilian in a country at war or for financial gain (people and animals for oil or diamonds). Most religious people would be more opinionated about that, no matter their religion. If we are going to outlaw anything, that thing should be Planned Parenthood.

The issue I have is with voters who use that one word to vote (or any single word, for that matter). I want to ask those voters if they know anyone who has had to make the abortion decision. I have to say I am not surrounded by those ladies, but have met a couple in my life. All three said it was a choice based on finances and/ or age. They DID NOT HAVE MONEY TO RAISE THE CHILD. And in the other cases I have heard word of mouth it was a parenting issue. Parents need to be involved and open with their kids. How about we change the home not the law? Have we forgotten McCain and the right wing have a slim change to overturn Roe v Wade? And who believes that it will not be appealed immediately, the motion stopped in the courts, state rights getting involved and an entire mess and waste of government money being used. Plus overturning that law is not going to stop killings of children or prevent the poverty that causes that choice. We can all see the effects of laws on drugs, prostitution and theft!!!

I fail to understand how outlawing something is going to stop it. While I see the ability to provide healthcare, better living conditions and opportunities to those who have to choose to have an abortion. What if we provided free prenatal, delivery, and post natal care to ALL women who need it? What if the government supported and helped young teenagers that were thinking of making the life or death choice? What if some corporate loopholes were closed and the richest of the richest were actually to give some of their money to helping others? (Many are generous; a lot more are greedy and corrupt)

In McCain I see the ability to kill more cultures overseas (Iran, North Korea, Russia, China). I see the ability to continue to be raped by the corporations and their greedily wealthy CEOs. I see the ability to continue to have high healthcare rates, a couple freedoms overturned and very few tangible differences from where we are today. I see further splits in foreign affairs and between extreme conservatives and those searching for love and acceptance. (How is killing babies wrong but killing in prisons and overseas ok?) I see our national debt getting out of control and China owning my children in a VERY extreme case.

In Obama I see a future of reformed healthcare, government programs for the people that need it, and the ability for honest discussion about foreign relations and religious freedom. (Religious freedom means every religion can be practiced freely or did we forget that is what the founding fathers desired) And no the founding fathers did not make this country to be a theocracy. READ YOUR HISTORY BOOKS!!!! I think we need government support for those struggling, and it will only happen one way.

So abortion stays legal but the numbers decrease because parents talk to kids and support them, medical care is provided for more women (and teens) and because moderate religion comes back into the main stream instead of fundamentalists who see the world in black and white instead of the HD that is available.

Isn’t it ironic that in the years we have been ruled by a “freedom based” system we are more scared to travel overseas, more likely to be wiretapped and more likely to be judgmental of others? Isn’t it ironic that the same people that support the death penalty oppose abortion? Or on the other side the same people that support abortion oppose killing an animal or tree?

You will notice I didn’t mention in this that the American church needs to get off it’s ass, shut down a couple prayer meetings and actually use their hands, feet, ears and mouths to do something about the problems they see and hear about on Fox news.

And you’re right; I only endorsed and voted for Obama because I am black.

These are the late night opinions and words of the author only. It does not reflect any ministries, clubs or churches he is a part of. and yes, he is a relapsing hypocrite.

The Story of the Gravy Chip

Once upon a time two men had a dream. They found out they could put any flavour on a potato chip. These two men are Hamish Blake and Andy Lee better know to Australians worldwide as Hamish and Andy. They held a contest for the People's Chip flavour - Bacon and Eggs, Pork Dumpling, Beer, Souvlaki or Kebab, Gravy, and Fruit Salad were the six finalists. AND GRAVY WON. And not just any gravy, beef roast gravy!!!!

Smiths Chip company (owned by PepsiCo) produced 500 test bags. They were gone in 5 minutes around the country of Aus. People waited out overnight and were sent home empty handed. So they made 60,000 full size bags and they were gone in 5 hours. Again some people missed out. Smiths realized they had a golden goose and produced a lot to be in stores for another test period. This time they lasted less than two weeks.

One man had a dream. A man named Jeremiah addicted to podcasts of Hamish and Andy dreamed of tasting the people’s chip. One night he wrote the 6 Aussies he knew and got back one response. He asked that once they hit the stores a couple bags would be sent to his home in Portland. He soon found out they had come and gone from the stores. One night as he listened to a week old HnA he heard his hero Hamish say that the chips were out and they were not sure if Smiths would make more. He was crushed, like the flavour of gravy on a chip.

But wait there was another route….a modern technological dream maker called eBay. Since the stores were sold out, he made a brave move. 2 hours after he should have been in bed, he was on his computer and found a BOX of gravy chips for sale. For some reason he entered a VERY large number and confirmed it….He knew previous boxes had gone for over $60AUS. So he went 20% more and WON!!!! Although not paying quite that amount.

JEREMIAH WON GRAVY CHIPS….

But there was another problem. The chips were in Brisbane. His contact was in Perth and traveling. The eBay seller would not send to the US just Aus. Through what can only be described by as a GobbleDoc miracle his contact was traveling to her family’s house in Brisbane. He was able to send the chips mere miles up the road so the bags would not be exploded by a plane’s pressurized cabin.

A week or so later he received the email….his contact was in Brisbane and the chips were safe and sound. All he had to provide was his address and they would be his!!!

But then the government stepped in….

An email came and the first trip to the post office was a failure. The chips needed a USDA Customs code to enter the free-est of free countries- USA!! The dream felt like it might be crushed.

Another late night, Jeremiah figured out how to bring the people’s chip to Portland. Thanks to Google he learned all the facts about his box and filled out the confusing governmental form. He had a code and sent the code to the contact.

The package was sent and a weekend was spent tracking the GRAVY CHIPS…For three days the chips were tracked on their move from a local post office to the Brisbane Postal Center. The package kept saying it was stuck in Brisbane waiting to be accepted in the USA.

Jeremiah was wondering if chips could be sent overseas. He should have checked this out earlier. the dream might become a nightmare, a very expensive failure of a nightmare.

Tuesday, Jeremiah’s house received a signature needed card from USPS. He thought it was a notice from the USDA saying they were not allowing The People’s Chip into the country. Stupid imigration. He was contemplating traveling to Australia for his chips.

Wednesday, as he left work early because of sickness he stopped by the post office to get the signature required letter. When he presented the card to the worker a BOX was brought back. A BOX SHAPED LIKE A GRAVY CHIP BOX.

Due to the sickness, it did not immediately register that Gravy chips were in the box. Jeremiah stood up on his tip toes to see the top of the box, as he didn’t recognize what he could have received. The worker told him to hold on and he would turn it around. When the box was turned around it said “AUSTRALIA POST” and Description was “Private” “Chips”.

THE GRAVY CHIPS ARRIVED. THE GRAVY CHIPS ARRIVED.

Upon exiting the Post Office Jeremiah did a white man’s jig to the bus, and then to his house carrying a box of 18 100g packets of the People’s Chip.

When inside the house, pictures were taken of the smiling Jeremiah and his chips. He tasted the chip and knew there was a God. Because only God could have created something this delicious and amazing. And only God can make dreams liek this come true.

Fast Forward to this Saturday…

If you are in the Portland area you are invited to the Gravy Chip party. Please reply for more info.

Party this Saturday, October 18, 2008

7pm to 9pm

Aussie Burgers* and Gravy Chips provided....

Please bring bevies and side-ys....adult bevies preferred

Please RSVP to ensure burger with your name on it.

* All beef patty, beet root and onion.

Suggested Donation $5....but don't let money stop you from this party.

Jeremiah

Only in Portland

The first I heard when I walked off the buss the other morning was this...

“All I am saying is in relation to the solar system, the sun is perpetually stationary.”

“Alright, honey, we will discuss this after work”

I proceeded to stand at the corner while the light turned white and then the red hand started flashing, in shock of the most random thing I had heard. And then I smiled because that really only happens in Portland.

Friends,

I am doing well. I am now a fulfillment specialist with a Business Publishing company that helps valuate and improve your business. It is quite nice actually as I get to package things and move around a lot. It is generally not the most intellectually stimulating but it is good money and occasionally challenging.

I just finished my second class of the 18^th month program for my BS degree in HD. It was incredibly difficult and stressful, which has led me to become sick and learn a few new procrastination techniques.

Speaking of which I am sick and tired literally. So good day!

Jeremiah

Situation

Friends,
What is crackilatin'?
So I have spent the last 2 hours or so reading blogs and articles and surprisingly it has given me the desire to write. I don’t have that desire much anymore. I have read at least four about people that were given amazing opportunities to do awesome things.
It makes me think, again, about the fact I simply don’t notice these opportunities. I say notice because I assume that if I don’t other people will say that I miss them. Like Malaysia- found that. Skydiving- found that. AT- found that. I am more talking about opportunities that I am handed. Like will you speak here? Or will you meet this guy. Or will you teach here… I am wondering how to get connected to people that will grow me.

I came to the realization a few months ago that 10 years ago Rick McKinley, Marc Driskell, and Don Miller were just dudes with dreams of reaching people. Now two of them lead the "coolest" churches in two under churched cities. And the other just prayed at the DNC. So basically I need to make or get visionary friends right? Well they don’t want to be friends with a dude that in the last few weeks has been called “human Valium”, a “grumpy little rain cloud” and “a bumblebee”. Well the bumblebee was just about the weight issue.

Which again shows that I am not ready for primetime. So I should just concentrate on school right? and then dream later?

I am beginning to realize with the help of a paid counselor that I have a bad outlook on life. I don’t invest in people because they will die, possibly in front of me, or they will reject me. I don’t take risks because that involves taking risks. But then I do take a risk and fail and I am back to fear of risks. I risked going to a counselor and I am not healed. I risked talking to a girl, for 3 years, and now I am back where I started. I risked moving and it took 8 months for any tangible good to come…I have contacted 3 authors for a drink in the last 6 months with the results being one no and two silences. My first article submitted was published online, the subsequent 16 weren't. I have attempted to get gravy chips with impending failure if I won’t pay 100+USD.

So one of you happy, “all- the- world- is- bright- colours- and- snuggly soft” people give me a suggestion how I am supposed to see the good in failure, loss, rejection, failure, failure, failure…what have I succeeded at? I have 2k in debt from a trip to reconcile a relationship that has since failed. I have a job that is with a great company but uses nothing in my toolbox and keeps changing description. Oh and I think I have a heart issue as I go into a fast I might not be able to start.

Suggestions? Comments? Rejections?

Righteous Anger ?!?

Christians piss me off. I should say “Christians”.

I just returned from being around a group of multiple 10,000s of people on the waterfront in downtown. It was fun for a while. We didn’t have the best spot honestly but it worked. I was watching Luis Palau speak after Kirk Franklin had just finished a set. Kirk had brought the Jesus of a black Gospel church to the waterfront of Portland, which is not too easy. I loved the set and was getting into Luis’s message about our need for a father that hasn’t failed us (something I need to hear honestly) when I hear this little girl (well like 14 or 21) scream “Please stop #$E@# pushing me!” I was a little shocked at the language at such volume but because of our location I wasn’t surprised. We were on the edge of a walk way which at a festival is anywhere! But this large man was shoving her as she was trying to move forward. That was bad but what was worse was his wife became very upset by this and was threatening her more vulgarly. She was pushing her and shoving her kids into the girl now.

This is when I stepped in and told both of them to chill….no, seriously I opened my mouth and words would not come out. I was frozen in speech and action. I was pissed in my head because in one of the least churched areas in the country or the region or the city...or whatever in the midst of a powerful sermon this lady wants to fight. I doubt the young lady was there for Kirk Franklin, although she might have been. I judge the young black family as church goers and judging by their shirts maybe even elders. Is this what Kirk had just talked about when he told us to find someone that doesn’t look like us- a Shaquita or a Cooper— and tell them, “God loves you, and I love you”? Or was it when he said we should say “bye- bye” to every worry.

The young white gal backed down. And allowed herself to be pushed around, while all these white Christians watched. What if this is the first time she came to see what this Jesus was all about and then was disappointed when no one spoke to her and then pushed her constantly? Is this what she needs to know about Jesus? Is this the event she is going to point to in 40 years when she tries one more time to walk into a church and be accepted for who she is? Will she be able to feel God’s love again? And worse yet is she going to blame race for this one lady and man that were what she called them?

I could not pay attention to the message for about 10 minutes because of these questions. I could not speak up either, which is fairly normal but very disconcerting to not feel in control.

After this incident people kept pushing through the line. Some claimed claustrophobia, some looked lost, and others were just being assholes. I realized that I was bothered because I wished more people believed like me. Not that Jesus’ blood washes away my sins, but that I am no better than anyone else. I was there because friends encouraged me to go. I knew it was going to be packed. I knew it was today because there were signs ALL over town for the last month plus. I had little sympathy for those who ignored the signs and didn’t take a detour. I did have sympathy for those who were coming to check things out only to be surprised by the “Christians” who thought by being washed by the Lamb’s blood they were allowed to sin again. I had a lot of sympathy for those whose job it was to help work the event –EMT, Police, cart drivers— and were being disregarded instead of embraced.

To close, it was a huge lesson to me, that I don't fully understand. As I left I gave the Street Roots seller the second largest bill in my wallet and more than 5x normal. But 5 minutes later, I realized I should have asked if anyone of the thousands of people that passed had offered to pray for him.

So Elousia, I ask that You lift my brother up tonight. Allow him to grow closer to Your freedom. I pray that people will treat him like You would- to the least of these. May the vendors give a free water or two. May You heal any hurts he has and as he is standing right behind the stage where Your word and praise for You is being presented, that he would fall in love all over again with You.

AMEN.

Now I am going to try to sleep but not be able to probably.

Because i complained!!!

So I almost went to BK today with a coworker and was quite sad when he suggested it because i could not let myself give them money after the slavery i heard about at their tomato farms. Then i come home to this. I will not go out and get a whopper but maybe in a month if the craving strikes i could go.
Peace.

Dear Jeremiah,

Congratulations – we did it! The Coalition of Immokalee Workers (CIW) announced Friday that, after a prolonged and often heated campaign, the second-largest burger chain has agreed to pay farm workers an extra 1.5 cents per pound of tomatoes picked, the equivalent of a 71 percent increase in wages. Watch the press conference on Capitol Hill.

This agreement was reached after a large coalition of faith and labor groups, including Sojourners, started targeting the company with letters and boycotts. In fact, since last June more than 25,000 Sojourners activists like you sent more than 125,000 letters to Burger King executives.

Burger King is the last of the three largest fast-food companies to agree to the pay increase, following McDonald’s and Yum Brands, which owns Taco Bell. The agreement also includes a pledge that Burger King will have zero tolerance for growers in its supply chain that act unlawfully – a good precaution, given that some in south Florida have been indicted for holding tomato pickers in literal slavery.

Burger King’s agreement is a long-awaited victory that comes after a year in which they unconscionably stalled and obstructed other companies from coming on board. Burger King made $2.23 billion in profits in 2007 – and, in the end, the company estimated that its tomato justice agreement will cost just $300,000 annually.

This agreement is a step toward fair labor practices for farm workers across our country, and an example to all companies that have exploitative policies in need of change.

Thank you for your action! Citizen advocacy makes a difference.

In gratitude,

Elizabeth, Kaitlin, Kevin, and the rest of the team at Sojourners

What I read

So I read a lot of junk online. Some things tend to be good occasionally. Here are a couple. The first from VERY conservative Chuck Colson’s ministry about TWLOHA which is AWESOME! And the second— a true sign of success for a cool dude. I think it is crazy that they almost connect.

Writing Love on Their Arms
Helping Those Who Feel Helpless

May 9, 2008

Note: This commentary was delivered by PFM President Mark Earley.

Warning: The following commentary addresses a sensitive issue that may not be suitable for young children.

It is not unusual for people to lash out at others to release pent-up anger and hopelessness. At Prison Fellowship, we have seen this over and over again, with prisoners who resort to violence as a way of dealing with abuse, loneliness, and fear. But there is another way that people respond to these feelings—they take it out on themselves.

Today, between two and three million Americans resort to self-injury as an emotional and physical response to negative feelings. Self-injury includes everything from cutting oneself, burning oneself, to even pulling hair. It can be life-threatening, and it always points to a deeper issue.

Recently on "BreakPoint," we talked about a movie called Wristcutters that attempted to normalize suicide—if not even glamorize it. While suicide is utter despair and self-injury is a coping mechanism, they are both external expressions of hopelessness. To present either of these self-harming behaviors in a flippant manner is despicable, to say the least.

Obviously, Hollywood has plenty to say to those who take a razor to their wrist. But what are Christians saying? One group of young people from Orlando does not need to say much—their love speaks for them.

Several years ago, when 19-year-old Renee Yohe turned to cocaine and razor blades in an effort to deal with a lifetime of sexual abuse, depression, and suicide attempts, her friends stepped in. A rehab center had deemed Renee too great a risk to be admitted immediately, so her friends stuck by her side for five days straight. They bought her drinks from Starbucks, took her to concerts, reminded her that she was beautiful. On the last night before she was allowed to enter rehab, they gave her gifts, hugged her, prayed for her. In response to their love, she handed them her last razor blade. It was her symbol of pain.

The experience with Renee led one of the friends, Jamie Tworkowski, to start an organization called To Write Love on Her Arms to offer hope to people, like Renee, who are dealing with depression, self-injury, and suicide. The group has rallied the support of bands like Switchfoot with the simple message to love the brokenhearted.

Jamie writes on his website: "We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all the mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way."

Jamie and his friends have refused to buy into the culture's downplaying or even glamorizing of self-destructive behavior. Instead, they are shining examples of the love of Jesus—a countercultural love that refuses to stand on the sidelines. As for Renee, thanks to the loving intervention of her friends, she has been clean from drugs for two years!

With two to three million people in this country engaging in self-injury, there is a good chance you know of someone caught in a cycle of despair. Are you ready to step in? Maybe God is preparing to send you, in the words of Isaiah 61, to "bind up the brokenhearted."

Visit our website at BreakPoint.org to find out more, along with links to organizations that can offer guidance and help.

Is That Jesus in the Next Port-o-Let?

05/06/2008

By Al Speegle, Jr.

The Door has obtained a draft excerpt of Donald Miller's next book, Bark Like a Scab. Miller is, of course, the Portland-based post-modern "emergent church" chronicler of spiritual odysseys and really groovy personal responses to the nature of God and Jesus. When we got this priceless little portion of Bark Like a Scab, we knew somehow that Donald had produced his best work since Blue Like Jazz and had achieved yet another giant leap in his conscious effort to "hold our palms against the wound." But then the manuscript speaks for itself. Shhhh. Listen.

Bark Like a Scab

A tree’s bark grows slowly
through the winters and summers of its life,
each layer has a story unto itself.

I was at the park desperately hitting on God for some answers. They didn’t come.
I lay down, uncomfortable until I pulled some rocks from under my back. I looked up through the tree limbs to the clouds moving quickly across the blue sky. I hadn’t noticed the breeze until I saw the limbs swaying in a tempo conducted by the wind.

Was it Jonah, desperate for an answer as to why he was going through the mess in his life after doing what God had wanted him to? A vine grew over his head, giving him shade from the sun, only to have a worm, a tiny worm in a big world doing what he was destined to do, eat away Jonah’s only comfort.

I picked up a dry branch that had fallen probably years ago. I needed something to do to take my mind off my troubles. Peeling the bark, I wondered if I was trying to hurt something else like I had with so many people. It beat cutting myself like my friend Anne does. Still that thought crossed my mind, the cutting. So here I am, peeling the bark like a scab on a wound reminding me of a friend’s wife now bald before her third chemo.

I pried back a piece of the bark with my thumb, exposing the generations of life it once lived. It was nothing now. Its death and decay, like leaves, would provide nutrients for the tree that gave it birth. Or maybe a feast for the bugs. Whatever, it had lived its purpose, so now what?

That was my life.

I needed to pee. Badly. I looked around. Was I far enough from the street so no one would see?

Surely as soon as I’d unzip my pants a woman police officer would drive up and arrest me for indecent exposure.

Sin and guilt are like that. You want to, but you don’t want to.

I got in my car, drove around to find someplace more private. The other side of the park maybe. Then I saw them. Two Port-o-Lets. Safe, secure. A blessing like Jonah’s vine.

Finally, relief. A load off my mind.

From inside I heard a car pull up, stop. The worm/policewoman here to question my existence? I could hear the other stall door open, the liquid drain from a life’s bladder flowing down into the reservoir of waste. Maybe if I waited long enough they’d finish and leave. She did.

Back into my car, back to my place among the trees, my pen, people who drove by never noticed me sitting here writing.

Jesus did. He knew my hurt … my fears … my doubts. And he loves me anyway. He never drove by without waving.

http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/jesus-in-the-next-port-o-let

Saya takut untuk orang putih

Hello friends,

In case you did not know, I was in Malaysia or traveling for the last 3 weeks. Yep, I hopped a plane to a tropical island and took a vacation from a life I was doing very little in.

There were a lot of highlights but here are some of the best.

- When I arrived at the airport in Malaysia I was treated to a taste of what I left beyond. I had to help push start the friend’s car that would take me to the bus station. And to think I was worried I would not be able to keep up my workouts out of town.

- While I was in Ipoh I met a girl (no not that one) with one of the funniest names ever. I am pretty sure she won't find this blog, so I will make fun of her. Her name was Carrot- like the vegetable. Her sister was named Po-ta-to. Luckily I found out that is not her given name-like in official documents- but just a nickname. Her english name was Carol- which is also ironic since she is not 50 or 60.

- I had a deep revelation one of those nights that even though the fan was moving the air it was not cooling in any way, until I placed the fan about 6 inches from my sweat dampened skin. Then it made a slight difference. Like adding a piece of duct tape to a sinking ship- it just doesn’t make that much difference.

- I read a good bit… here’s a quote I don’t know if I agree with, but makes me think… “If we have ever hated anyone, we have espoused the same attitude that motivated Hitler.” The Father Heart of God. Floyd McClung Jr.

- I attempted to complete the food marathon of Penang…instead I made it only a few (14) hours and threw in the flag after the char siew poh just tasted like white bread. The food marathon tasted different in my dreams, in my head. I quit 14 or so hours in, partially because we didn’t start until about 6 hours of being awake. There were a couple more 5 K races in the days afterwards to attempt to finish the race course, however.

- On the food marathon I had two deep revelations…Jesus would have eaten his Subway with Tandoori, and Breakfast roti tastes a little bit like angels would taste. And also cows don’t have pants.

- I listened to many podcasts as well…some were from my church classes I was missing…they played a promotional clip of a new book in which the author says “I believe in God. It’s been a real problem for me.” I concur. Here’s the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNqrL6Iboks. I don’t recommend any other sites that might be in the side bar, or really the second video. Actually if you are a grown male, you might find it quite funny. the book is named A Foreskin’s Lament. Which will most likely make my own blog end up on my x3watch list now.

- Spiritually the trip was actually really good for me. While discussing my faith with a couple people I realized that at this very moment God has not placed a call of foreign missions on me. Instead he has taken me into the desert to suck the life out of me. Actually more like my false vision of life, but he needs to take out the crap to have space to give me the real life he desires for me. Or some crap like that. I am assuming the promised land of Milo and susu manis is coming. And career, and marriage and stability are coming too?

- While reading another book, I realized I made the conscious decision, kind of subconsciously also, to bitch about my life in slavery being better than my desert journey, like the Israelites. When I was a willing slave to sin, at least I enjoyed my days, I had something to do, and now God has me in the middle of this hot, dry lonely place. I wished I could go back. And I did in some ways by spending hours reading about nothing online, playing pointless arcade games made for 8-year olds, and sleeping 14 hours a day, among other things. That's where i am at...in the desert (being purified) remembering the good days of sin slavery.

- On the plane home, I came to a conclusion. I will regret this statement in a few months, I am sure, but I feel like if my life is an example of how God treats his children after they fully devote themselves to Him…I wouldn’t try to convince anyone to follow him fully. If unexplained death, unemployment, extreme boredom, deepened loneliness, and secondly struggles with sin are really what a follower goes through, I don’t want others to suffer like this. This is not a deepened experience found in the sermons of most preachers. That warm fuzzy teddy bear God experience doesn’t stay that way all your life. Sometimes walking with God is a hard, steep, rocky trail. Which was the original point of this blog.

- Wow that was deep, BEAVER IN A SUIT!!!

- I found it ironic that I flew over Da Nang on my route home.

- The Taipei airport I was in on the way home was completely different than the one I passed through on the way there. Although they were the same airport, one had nothing to do and the other had a terminal full of restaurants, free (slow) internet, and museum thingies.

It was a good trip with good friends eating good food in a good place. I am much better mentally although I was still called Eeyore on the phone today. Ho Hum, life is hard!

God bless us, everyone.

PS. I have no plans of dying soon

Dua Jam

Hello friends,
So this has been a good but sometime interesting trip. A lot of talking with 3 people in perticular so far. There were jokes swirling in Ipoh that i was going to marry a vietnamese gal i just met spontaneously. If they only knew the full true story.
I was asked to speak at a church service with a Ugandan pastor, then didnt feel the peace of the spirit and he did not appreciate that. I have told many people of the evils of the prosperity gospel as it seems to have grown in the year i was away. I do not feel wrong in my views and opinions but do not feel like i should talk religiosity matters in my current cynical state either.
I have read many books already. Not finished any, just started many.
Here is a snippit i enjoyed from a book, it has taken me 4 plus years to admit i need to read and experience.
"Jesus Chriust is the wounded healer. he knows how our emotions can be injured...His very birth was questioned, and His mother's reputation was slandered. He was born in poverty. His race was ostracized and His hometown ridiculed. His father died when he was young and in His latter years Jesus traveled the cites and streets homeless. He was misunderstood in His ministry, and abandoned in death. He did all this for you and me." p 40-41, The Fatherheart of God by Floyd McClung, Jr.

Also here is something you prosperity pastors and followers should read and defend.
http://www.trinityfi.org/
http://ministrywatch.com/mw2.1/H_Home.asp - you can type in any ministry and it will give you a report on the one's it has been able to investigate.

This is the about Benny Hinn, who some may say is the leader of the prosperity movement.
http://ministrywatch.com/mw2.1/F_SumRpt.asp?EIN=591245704
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FUyPjeIFKug

and to be fair and balanced here is a report on the reporters:
http://www.philcooke.com/wallwatchers
although i read the article in charisma he wrote which (no joke) was placed between ads for Paula White and Joyce Meyers "revivals".

ok i have wasted long enough.

Satu Jam

Hi friend,
I have started thinking and speak in short sentence again. so to join me here's my blog post, lah

SO what did you do today?
well i ate the best dim sum ever, then took a nap, and then told people the evils of the prosperity gospel, ate some nasi goreng ayam pattaya at Tesco and am now writing you all.
What was yesterday like?
8 hours of the hardest most confusing words of my life with mee jawa, banana leaf, milo, claypot chicken rice and char koay teow with a couple white coffees mixed in.
Do you regret spending money you dont have?
N to the O
DO you feel broken, tired, confused and uncertian?
yes
How long did it take to eat your first roti telur?
30 minutes from the plane
first teh tarik?
30 minutes from last bus
did you meet a girl named carrot?
well yes i did!
what might be her sister's name?
Potato!
Does she find it funny?
no
Do you?
well, yes in fact i do.
How was it explained?
her mother likes vegetable (with Vn accent)

Is the heat hot?

well, yes it is

Are you tired and finally feelign jet lag?
yes

Update

Hi friends
I will be in Malaysia until the 4th of May. Thought i would let you know. i am available by email for those who want to know how i am really doing, or can call me in may.
peace.
j

http://blog.beliefnet.com/godspolitics/2008/03/i-never-saw-them-as-human-bein.html

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

'I Never Saw Them as Human Beings' (by Omar Al-Rikabi)

A couple of weeks before the Thanksgiving holiday, I received a call from my cousin. Her father-in-law in Baghdad was dead. His death was not the result a car bomb or a kidnapping. No bullets or beheadings were involved. Instead, it was a kitchen fire. He was badly burnt up and down his legs. They took him to the hospital … but there were no doctors who could help or medicine they could give him. He was killed by a treatable infection.

"What is it about this month?" my cousin asked. Only an exact year ago her brother had been shot to death in front of his house in a Baghdad neighborhood, forcing a new widow and her children to flee to Jordan.

A few weeks later I shared this story with another Iraqi living in Amman. "This is the way it has been for a while," she said. "After the first war, with the embargo, things were slowly getting worse. No medicine. No services. We were losing hope. But we never saw this second war coming. This destroyed it all. Now, there is no hope."

Over the last five years, as I have shared my family's story in churches and chapel services, I get a very common response: "I never saw them as human beings. I never thought to pray for the Iraqi people." This disturbs me. Even more disturbing is that many of the people who confess this to me are pastors and missionaries. They champion the need for food, plumbing, and medicine in so many parts of the world, but seem to hit the breaks when it comes to Iraq and the Middle East. I have visited many congregations around the country – Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Episcopal, Non-denominational – and I see a recurring pattern: nine times out of 10 the pastor will pray for the safety and success of the troops, but does not offer one prayer for the people and needs of Iraq.

While in Amman last month, I spent time with my two little cousins who now live as orphans and refugees. A family member shared that one of the girls has recurring dreams of her dead father, and is brewing with sadness and anger over his murder. A week later I sat in a church service in the States where the text in the bulletin was James 1:27: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world" (NIV). The "pastoral prayer" turned toward the troops, gay marriage and abortion, but there was not one mention of the 2 million internally displaced Iraqis, 82 percent of whom are women and children under the age of 12 (according to the Iraqi Red Crescent report of January 27, 2008). What a sad irony that the same church that so adamantly supports the "right to life" also supported a war that has robbed so many children of their lives and innocence.

In reality, Iraq has been bleeding to death for more than 15 years. Beautiful people, made in the image of God, have lived with violence and destruction for too long. The church in the U.S has played a major role in supporting that destruction. I have very few positive answers for my Muslim family members when they ask about how Christians in the U.S. perceive Iraq. Once, when I told a family member of some Christians I had met who support and work for human rights in Iraq and equal rights for Palestinians, he responded, "Wow. … I didn't know there were any other Christians who believed that way."

In the first chapter of Nehemiah we find this prayer: "I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned!" The key word here is "we." Nehemiah was not even alive when the people's sins, which led to exile, took place. Yet he took ownership of what the people of God had done wrong, and so led the way in confession, repentance, and ultimately, restoration.

How long before more pastors lead their congregations in confession, repentance, and prayers for the people and peace of Iraq? How long before more preachers preach that the life of an Iraqi is just as important to God as the life of a U.S. soldier? How long before we ask our congregations to see Iraqis as part of the human family, made in the very image of God, and in doing so broaden our definition of "family values?" How long before the church truly stands up to vote for a "right to life" for all children that goes beyond the unborn to include the children of those who we thought were our enemies?

I have been in worship services all over the country, and I still see too many churches that rallied for the call to war in Iraq failing to rally for the call of Christ in Iraq.

Rev. Omar Hamid Al-Rikabi is a campus minister at the University of Arkansas Wesley Foundation. He is the son of a Muslim father from Iraq and a Christian mother from Texas. He shares his stories on his blog at www.firstbornstories.com

Pictures!!!!

http://picasaweb.google.com/joeyknuckles/RT08GaToPortlandHQ

Good Grief Charlie Chan

I don’t grieve well…actually I take that back. I don’t grieve, at all. As I sat at a kitchen table with a fairly new friend who lost his first born son, only an hour after birth, I was mad at God. He explained how he saw joy in the situation and praised God for the support him, his wife and their less than 2 year old daughter had received. I didn’t hear the rest because I thought of how that would affect me. I would need a lot of changes in my faith, my strength and my worldview to say the things he was. I was also thinking of how another friend just lost her fiancée, again last week. Again he was a new friend that I may see in heaven.* I felt bad I would never get to try the best pancakes in Portland with him. I remembered the loss I felt when my own father died. I remembered the feelings I occasionally have about the last days of Jesus, a passage we just read, and I thought about death. I wondered how if Jesus conquered death and the grave, why it impacts our lives so much.

You will notice that I did not say I thought about grief.

Instead of grieving, I often think of what heaven will be like. I think about the atheists and anti-theists that don’t believe in an after life. I also think about Paul’s writing that we (those who believe) would be the worst off if this (the Christian life) is not true. I think of that knowing full well I wouldn’t have a goal in life, a desire of heart, a passion of any kind if not for God. And if I did not have those I would not have a life, in my opinion. I actually envy people that can live without thinking about heavenly/ spiritual things. My faith is part of me and wont leave even when I try to make it.

I was talking with a professional the other day and he made the point that as Americans we often are taught not to grieve. If we look at other cultures they know how to grieve. I have a great picture of a friend that lost her daughter after a long battle with cancer. She was wailing at the casket. She was grieving and didn’t have a worry about what others thought about it. Her hair was unkempt. Her clothing messed up, her balance out of whack. She was not concerned how the rest of the world was taking it; she did what she had to do. She didn’t show up for work like nothing was wrong. She didn’t smile and nod at those that came to be with her. She grieved.

Also, if we look at the Old Testament, or Hebrew Scriptures, there is a protocol to mourning or grieving. Sack cloth and ashes, oils, the way you walked, all these showed you were mourning. And I am sure people gave you space. They comforted you and did what they could to help. Yet we as Americans are actually taught how to suppress it, how to move on after it and how to not let it bring us down. Now I didn’t take a course in high school or college called “how to suppress grief”. But I did see how others went back to work after losing their wife, sister, mother, brother, father, neighbor, child or friend to a tragic death, car wreck or even old age. I was taught that death happens when my cat shadow died when I was 6 or 7. I was given blueberry oatmeal and allowed to cry for one day. But the next day I had to return to school, or maybe it was that morning. I was 6, two hours of crying and a nap feels like a day. This carried onto the dogs, then my grandfathers, and friends and so on until today. Now I was never numb to these things. Hearing of a friend’s death still makes me feel like a got a basketball thrown to my nose. But I still don’t know how to grieve. I am mad at God and then move on with my life.

Shortly after this discussion, the professional asked if I ever truly grieved my father. Did I ever think about it? Of course I think about it, was my answer. But I am still thinking of a real answer. I punched a wall. I drank, I smoked, I moved on.

But did I truly grieve and deal? I know I am compelled to the same thing as I hear about death now. Therefore I would have to say no.

There is no conclusion here. Just a rant on how I don’t grieve. Also a little explanation for possibly some other words I have said recently.

( *I say this not because I don’t believe he will be in heaven, but because I don’t know if heaven is a big social club where we talk to other people we knew that have become angels. I think it is a place where we will be praising God but don’t know what that looks like because sometimes praising God is sitting around having the greatest pancakes that He has created.)

ps. please comment as you see fit.

Death

Please pray for those affected by death in the Portland area. I can give details if you ask me directly.

Pray for Jenny and her "family", and Brooke, Adelle and Nate.

Creative update title

Hello All.

So I have been meaning to update for awhile and was finally incredibly inspired at service this morning. I am starting a job tomorrow, actually training for a job. I will be a graveyard shift security guard. I hesitated to say this for a few reasons. Mostly it is the pay, but also the respect. I have noticed how the guards at my local Safeway are not acknowledged by most peoples, and figure it would only be an extension of my temp work positions for less pay. REspect has been on my mind a lot lately. When I went to a mental health conference a few weeks ago, one of the questions was about how much other people respect you. It is something I rated quite low and something I have been thinking about improving. And whether you look at it this way or not, in my head the pay I make equates to respect. This job will be about 75% of what I was making before and what supposedly I am worth. But it is infinitely more than I have been making since I came here. Another reason I struggled to accept the position is I have to shave my face. For some reason people think if your chin is covered you are not professional occasionally. That has actually been the huge struggle for me. I have had a clean chin for only 1 month since I was 20.

I was offered the position on Wednesday and have been thinking of calling and removing my commitment since. I have looked much harder for a job since then and kept hoping I would win the lottery or something. I haven’t actually played though so that is really hard. (Side note…the Oregon Lottery symbol is below…it is the most awesome sign ever and real. I smile still almost every time I see it.)

These thoughts were going around my head as I walked to church…also I was wondering why I walked because it was so flippin cold and windy and looking like it would dump rain at anytime. I actually felt like God was going to directly speak to these needs/ thoughts/ issues. I kind of just knew I needed it although I hesitate to have great expectations, especially at church.

When I sat down, I actually had someone talk to me though ironically he was visiting from Texas. But it still put me in a good mood. The worship was pretty awesome and then Dr. Rick hit it out of the park…speaking of respect— Dr. Rick. My pastor just got his doctorate and one of the leaders did this little announcement of it. Rick seemed really uncomfortable about that, but thanked people for helping him in the midst of it. I am now looking to see if he refers to himself as such. I have a feeling it won’t come out much.

This leads me to the fact I have been struggling with humbleness lately. It is a weird thing because when you say you are humble you lose humble points. 4 or 5 years ago it was normal occurrence for people to tell me I was humble when I was edified. Then I took SBS. Seriously it was around 05 that I just stopped being a servant some how. I got burnt out possibly, stressed, overworked…blahblahblah. It was late last year that I realized I am no longer a servant. I like it when people bring me things, wash my dishes, do my work and such. Where as before I would help stack the chairs, clean up after a meal, accept a less than great job, drive people around, and often I helped without a need to be asked. Nowadays I need people to tell me when I need to help.

The text of the sermon today was Luke 9: 18 ff where Jesus talks about taking up your cross daily and dying to self. Automatically I started thinking of the previous sermons I had heard. Then it hit me, something spoke to me asking, “When was the last time you really died to self?”

Then it really hit me. I am being asked by God if I would humble myself. For me to take up my cross i would have to become humble. Isn't that what dying to self, or denying one's self means?

I have been having a really bad time interviewing since I came back from Asia. Also just speaking to people, I am incredibly introverted and quiet. There are many times where i feel like i should say something but don't know what to say. I have been struggling to get a job I enjoy. One of the thoughts I have had lately is that God gave me skills and I had to use them. This is true, but how much pride should I take in them? Sadly, if I had been humble a month ago, when I first contacted the guard firm, I would not be as stressed about my money and might be less lazy than I have become. Luckily before I even knew this lesson, I responded to the ad and am now going to be a security guard. Otherwise it would be another week of debt added. I have decided I don’t want to be there for just a couple days and quit so it has been hard to swallow. Although I have requested 3rd shift so I can still interview during the day, I am hoping this lasts for a couple months at least. Just trying to do what I feel God is leading me into. I am tired of writing so will end that story here.

I am doing well otherwise. Had a cold last week but thats gone. Have started donating plasma twice a week which is an interesting experience. It is not difficult and pays really well. Definently more than free whole blood donations. But only 2 are allowed a week so I can't make a career of it.

Thanks for reading and hope all is well. Enjoy the greatest company symbol ever!

from God's Politics/ beliefnet

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Wake-Up Calls (by Brian McLaren)

This is an important year for studies on religious life in the U.S. From Kinnaman and Lyon's UnChristian, to David T. Olson's The American Church in Crisis, data is accumulating that business/ministry as usual is not a great strategy for most U.S. denominations and nondenominations.

The new Pew study highlights the fluidity of commitment among the American people of faith, and it raises important questions for church leaders in at least three areas.

1. If congregations and denominations are not connecting with people's questions, needs, and desires - people are moving on. Old-fashioned denominational loyalty is gone. Church leaders can complain about it, but they'd also better acknowledge it. Now this fact could be used to advocate increased religious pandering ... a "give 'em what they want" approach that turns church leaders into "purveyors of religious goods and services" (a damning turn of phrase from the missional church folk) who are competing for share of the religious market.

But it could also have a much more positive effect: by convincing church leaders that blindly maintaining the status quo is a losing strategy, the data can liberate them to ask deeper questions like ... Why are churches here? What is our mission? What is our core message? Does Christ's church have a mission, or does Christ's mission have a church? How much can, and should, change in our churches? What shifts in church history can guide us as we face this sea-change in our religious environment? In other words, the new data could challenge leaders to ask, not simply, "What do the customers want?" but, "What does God want?" ... and not just "What do members need from their church?" but "What does the world need our churches to become, be, and do so that God's will can be done on earth as it is in heaven?"

2. People are dropping out of church altogether. The fastest-growing religious segment - especially among the young - continues to be the unaffiliated. If the "church growth" question of the 90's was, "How are we going to attract baby boomers to come back to church services on Sunday?" the "church mission" question in coming years might be, "How can our churches inspire younger generations to live a new way of life as disciples each day of the week?"

3. Old categories are blurring and old identities are diversifying and fragmenting. The study highlights the simultaneous growth and diversification of the old evangelical base, for example. As older generations pass from the scene and the alliances they created lose strength, who will help catalyze new movements and alliances? What will their priorities and ethos be?

In light of the accumulating data, it's become increasingly clear: we don't just need new answers to old questions, but we need new questions as well.

Brian McLaren (brianmclaren.net) is board chair for Sojourners. He is in the middle of an eleven-city speaking tour you can learn about at deepshift.org.

Filed Under: casting stones, Pew Study

online job searches

The top 3 results for my financial clerk searches today were as follows....i am in a bad spot I think.

Nationwide	$300/Day on Google. All people: Admin, Data Entry, Sales, IT, HR	Google Work From Home - Earn Up To $4,000-$7,500/Mo At Home!	» more info
Nationwide	ACTOR - MOVIE EXTRA! part time/clerical/work/customer service	IMMEDIATE OPENINGS, up to $250/day, NO EXPERIENCE OK	» more info
Nationwide	$200/DAY! PROCESS DIET ORDERS ON HOME COMPUTER! acct/csr/manager	New Diet Corp. Will Pay You $6000/Month To Process Orders On P/C	» more info

One week

What a difference a week can make...I am back to being bored and tired of not having money. On Monday approximately 12 hours after I sent my update to all, my life crashed and one of the worst days of my life began. I say that, yet I didn't wreck my car, discover I have cancer of the big toe or get hit by a bus while crossing the street. In fact I woke up late, got insanely lost, was an hour late for work and then dismissed at 4 because of lack of work. I finished 15 days of work in slightly less than 5 even though I felt I was working significantly slower than my max. And I did have a great work out that day. So maybe it wasn't that bad, but the first 2 hours stunk like an Indian street dump. I realized later in the day that I made rent for the month in those 5 days of work which is amazing to see God’s provision in a place to stay and a job to pay for that.

Since then I have been rejected from at least 2 other jobs, wasted a significant amount of time sleeping and sitting around, watched 14 hours of Six Feet Under and had a couple fights with banks trying to prove to me I have no money by charging me NSF fees. Isn’t that nice? I hate it honestly.

I finished one book- Take This Bread by Sara Miles- which I highly recommend to those wondering about a secular opinion on communion. I say secular because it is written by a lesbian who goes to a very liberal church and is scared of most common churches in America. From her testimony she might be more likely to get to heaven than Benny Hinn, simply because she started food pantries to give food to the “poor”. Many of which Ps. Benny tells he can bless if they send their disability checks to him.

I started The God Delusion tonight and obviously have a couple beefs with the words I read in the Preface. Things like indoctrination, and the thoughts a creator is not needed to bring something into being. WHAT? How are clothes, houses, food made without a creator to start it? That never made sense. But he has me thinking about religions around the world and how people live by them- Buddhists in Asia, Muslims in the Middle East, Christians in the “West”, Animism in the jungle….why are the lines established as such still in the day of worldwide communication?

As for other things I am struggling with hearing clearly from God which ironically leads me to not try much harder, but instead go the opposite and figure He is speaking. Obviously I am frustrated by the lack of work and implement of credit card and NSF fees. I found out from my roommates that all 3 will be leaving in the next 2 months…which I am assuming will bring interesting thoughts to the land lord. Luckily I am not the one who has to pay the mortgage, but I would have to cover all of the electricity and potentially purchase the internet routers to keep that going and covered. The joy of realizing God paid my rent didn’t last long with my Eeyore (an actual clinical term by counselors apparently) tendencies. So even though the weather has been good for Portland winters, I have been sitting around waiting for the sky to fall. I don’t necessarily want to even though I am doing it. As Paul-the apostle, not some friend- once said “I don’t do what I want to do, yet keep doing what I don’t want to do.”

SO basically friends I can use prayer. I was offered a position that needs to be approved still that would be almost perfect for me. A little but less pay but 40 hours a week till July or so. This is a good timing as it will allow me to take some time abroad before I start a training program to finish my degree in August.

Thanks and May God Bless You.

Amen?

Flesch Reading Ease 72.6

Ashes Wednesday

Sitting in the midst of service tonight I felt strangely at home in a place I had never been before. Today is Ash Wednesday, in most Christian circles. I go to a bible based, independent, inter denominational church, which often means the church does not celebrate traditions or anything that can be called ritual. This church however embraces it. So I went to church on a Wednesday for the first time in quite awhile. I went because I was bored. I also went because I could not remember the last time I went and got ashes on my forehead. I am sure I have gone since my dad died but I haven’t for the last 3 years, possibly even 6 or more. Obviously if I did it wasn’t a life changing experience, like tonight.

We were all sitting in a church sanctuary, not just an auditorium, but a church, which was obviously strange for some people- their tattoos and piercings were burning or something as they nervously looked around and rubbed themselves. It was cold, wet, raining and dark outside. Perfect conditions to be inside. The traffic getting there was pitiful even for a former Atlanta driver. It was raining enough I had a hard time seeing the lanes, which is bad in this town. One guy I recently met described them as paved cow paths made by cows doing acid. I almost hit a parked car because the lane went from a lane to a parking lot, no joke and no warning. The pastor wore black but he always does that. He wasn’t up front though; he was working the sound board or at least talking to that dude. There was a screen down with the face of Jesus projected on it. It is a reminder of what we are at Imago Dei- “the image of God.” It was like a mirror for some, I am sure.

The service started late because of traffic. A hymn was sung acapella. My voice was coming out too strong in the real church. I didn’t know the words and hymns require you to do so unlike Matt Redman. Then there was a scripture reading – Isaiah 58. It was powerful about the true meaning of fasting and sacrifice. There was a prayer of repentance- similar to Setting 2 in the front of the LBW. And a couple moments of silence. God started working on me. Another scripture starts. Psalm 51. Maybe I was a little hungry to just be getting close to God again or needed another kick in pants or maybe the spirit was meeting me. I don’t know, but I was no longer bored.

As Psalm 51 was being read, I realized that I was SO sinful. I thought of the sins I had committed in the last week and then wondered if I had committed all of the 7 deadly ones – then I am wondering how Brad Pitt is doing or something before I got back on topic. Lust? I need to change my desktop photo, and phone, and wallet until she has a ring, not too mention the lust of jobs, cars, money, travel, better life

Gluttony? Double portion spaghetti before I came, yep

Greed? Collecting state quarters, umhmm,

Sloth? – does waking up at 3 pm count? How about getting nothing done on my 3^rd “Sabbath” of the week?

Wrath? – got verbally mad at that parked car driver

Envy? – I don’t actually want the wife, 3 kids and nice car, do I?

Pride? – Finally, I am the best in the world at being humble

Six out of seven is not bad. After all it was Mardi Gras yesterday so none of that counts right? It is nowhere near as bad as Joe Francis’ crew and what they did. I am sure God was too busy writing tickets for other people to worry about me.

The pastor is now speaking about sacrifice. I don’t need to hear about this, I sacrifice too much already. I shut off and am thinking about the fact that all sin is equal and wonder then if all sacrifice is all equal. If murder and speaking evil are equal, would fasting a week and not buying one coffee be the same? I am not sure what the pastor is talking about until he speaks of the cross. I pay attention again as it is most likely ending. He is talking how the cross is not the end, but the empty tomb is the beginning of a new life for each of us.

Now it’s the time to do that dust to dust thing. I start realizing this is real. As Psalm 51 appears on the screen over Jesus’ face it hits me. This is the time to sacrifice, to change, to repent, to be willing, to do all that you keep saying you will. Its time to walk that talk. I start getting that unworthy feeling that often comes over me as I prepare to take communion. I often skip communion cause of this. It doesn’t end until I am crying on the outside and torn up on the inside. Thinking of my God does that to me. I think of the fact that these ashes are the palms that they ushered him into Jerusalem with and are now dust. The contradiction and the frailty of man. I think of Ecclesiastes and how the world’s wisest man felt like all is worthless under the sun. I think of eternity and how my life might be so small in retrospect to the creation till now. It starts raining harder outside and with the wind it kind of sounds like Jesus might come back right now. I wonder what I would say to those around me if they fly up, or if they don’t. I wonder if that story is real and now I am back to my sin.

It is my turn to go up but I am not ready to do this. I stand in line praying, silently, fervently… hopingly. Finally I realize that I am dust. I am worthless, and that’s a great thing. I am nothing and that is when I walk forward.

“You come from dust and to dust you shall return”

The leader marks me. I smile and start to walk away.

But his face gets tense and his mouth opens,

“Turn away from sin and live a life pleasing to God”

Amen.

I walk back torn up inside knowing that I am loved and that my sins are forgiven like that woman at the well. But it did not happen right then. It happened nearly 2000 years ago on a hill.

As I sat down and looked up…the words of Psalm 51 still scrolling I see “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing loving kindness; according to your great abundance of compassion…Wash away…Cleanse me...for …my sin is always before me, for against you…only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”

This is what is upon us Christians. The remembrance of our redemption by a Saviour that not only took our sins, but defeated death by rising again. An empty grave is coming. are you prepared to turn from all that holds you back and start that new complete life? For those who don’t know what this means, are you ready to start a completely new life?

Pray with me….

Father God, I thank you for what I have and most of all for the loving kindness you give in our times of needs. Thank you that we are blessed by your compassion and you do forgive us for our wrong doings. Let us rejoice in that empty grave and use this coming season to prepare ourselves for a wondrous new life wholly devoted to you. May we stop dwelling on what we have done wrong and instead accept your mercy through sacrifice. May we sacrifice to honor You. And let us think what we can do to honour you whether it is through sacrifice or life change or just loving others.

Thanks Lord for all you give. And thanks for this season to rejoice in the empty grave.

Let it be.

Reading Ease: 82.7

Money

“Earthly greed is eternal poverty…and we can guard against it by being rich towards God” – Ps. Rick McKinley

Multiple churches over the last few months have been preaching about money. It’s a popular topic. I know this because I subscribe to 15 church podcasts…and a few that take their “mentors” podcasts and put them online. Two of them are ones I claim to attend. I am not a church-hopper so don’t judge. Mostly because I don’t go enough to hop. A jump every 5 weeks is not a hop, it’s a forward motion. And that’s progress.

I recently moved to Portland from Atlanta- figure out the churches on your own. When I left the east coast with a car full of belongings and two friends I had multiple mid-level digits in my bank account. I was making more in a month at my job than my living expenses for a year overseas. Life was good. When I arrived on the west coast with a car of belongings, and trash, and one friend I had fewer digits and lower- level numbers in the same account. The multiple mid-level numbers were now on my credit card!

We can be like the government and start an internal investigation. (Woo, Face! Book!) Or I can just tell you that it came from the simple fact my outgoing was approximately infinitely more than my income. Its amazing how that happens!

I look around and judge those around me because they live beyond their means. People who are too fat eating at Taco Bell while my gut catches the fallen cheese. Young adults in new cars wondering how much of their income goes to that car payment. People in houses with guest rooms. I mean they have a room that is only used a few days a YEAR!

Then I looked at the above mentioned credit card statement. Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Tennessee, Online, Missouri, Oklahoma, Missouri, Arkansas, Online, Kansas, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho, Oregon…Vietnam, Malaysia, Nepal….and that is when I realized I do have a right to judge how others spend their money. Because those people with fancy cars couldn’t afford to drive that far. Because I live near the poverty line and shop at the dollar store to buy my hangers. And food and bathroom cleaner and frying pans, not Wal*Mart or one of them fancy stores. Because I go to shady warehouses across town to buy a mattress to save money. And then strap it to my old Ford Taurus to save the delivery costs! Because those people with guest rooms are too scared to not have a paycheck to take that trip.

Right?

Needless to say the lines on the credit card continued when I arrived in Portland. I was staying on a guest bed of a friend whose hospitality was more than I felt I deserved. I remedied this by paying strangers for their hospitable handing of a coffee cup and slice of pizza to me, instead of accepting their food that made the house smell wonderful! Then, I found my own place and needed to buy a new bed and heater and sheets and some clothes and hangers and headphones and bedroom stuff and kitchen stuff and bathroom stuff. I look at most of it now. And although I got great deals on all of it. Most is sitting on an upper shelf. Because I use my roommates kitchen stuff. And found some bathroom stuff leftover from the previous roommate. And I don’t even use the dollar store hamper very much, because it collapses. I just throw my clothes in the unused cooler sitting in my room. Although it does keep my socks nice and chilled! And the meals out continued because I mean the gray skies and rain are depressing so I have to get out to avoid total melt down, and while I am out I need to eat, right? Plus their food is much more delicious than what i make. That’s a valid excuse, right?

Right?

Money…it corrupts us all in different ways. We all know that a part time Starbucks employee is in the top 11% of the world's earners. We know that 5 of 6 people live on less than a dollar a day. But those stats don't help us who have $1000 mortgage bills because we live in a house near a JOB and parents that birthed us up the road. (You like how i used "we" there, like that is even close to my life?) We didn’t pick to be born in the middle of skyscrapers instead of acres of rice fields. We just have to continue in what God has called us to do.

But I more want to focus on the fact that we all judge those with a different monetary vice than us. I judge those with nice houses and cars, while spending over 50% of my income on travel….seriously that was the percent for last year! You judge the coworker who spends money on beer while you buy only the finest chocolate. Your friend drives a BMW to their double wide trailer. Your second cousin (twice removed) packs a lunch for her second job so he second kid can go to private school. The guy next to you in church judges the sound of coins going into the offering plate, while his money goes to buy a well for orphan penguins in Antarctica. I once worked with a great lady that didn’t understand why people paid $4 a roll for toilet paper when it was 4/$1 at the dollar store. Oh, and she went to Sweden to buy a Volvo. I’m sorry; I meant to say she went SWEDEN to buy a CAR to drive in AMERICA!

We all have our vices and this is especially something we need to think about as we watch, hear, feel, smell, and taste advertising. They have all five of your senses, think about it- samples of donuts at Safeway, need I say more? I commented a few times during the Super Bowl “Some one paid $3 million for that." Think about that. The world buys enough Pepsi for them to hire Justin Timberlake and friends to appear in a 30 second commercial edited by multiple people, that they pay an additional 3 million dollars to put on your television so you BUY MORE. By the way, I don’t know the actual cost but I am sure it was a minimum of 3 most likely closer to $4,000,000. Hasn’t that gotten a little out of hand? Coke did it too, so drink water, but not Aquafina or Dasani cause that’s Coke and Pepsi. And don’t drink Evian or Perrier cause that is not American. Just drink tap water, which might make you sick, and you better hope you have Aflac and not that goat or chicken or horse!

Right?

Off topic? Yes!

“So what are you doing about your vice, you crazy long winded writer?” Y'all ask.

· Inspired by my pastor’s words, last night I set up a 2008 budget. In view of the totals in my budget, I cancelled my eMusic membership and added 2 more people to support financially monthly. I also added columns to tract how well I stick to it.

· Pledged to go one week (right now) without spending money unrelated to transportation to job interviews.

· Set a goal to be completed when I do my taxes next year - my “charity” contributions will be more than 15% of my income, possibly more than the IRS standard deduction, although that was 150% of my income in 2005.

· Budgeted an amount to save monthly for future needs and wants. This is also from where I will draw my travel monies. Wow, that will not be easy.

· Re-wrote my “buy” list to a duel columned need/ want list. It was also shortened of things like Netflix, Western Mountaineering, and more Bling, for now.

· Committed to a small amount for eating out. Also for food in the house- Unlimited for nutritional, minimal for junk food. It’s amazing how much I spend on food that has no nutritional value for my body. How can I say that is being a steward of God’s money?

Now all of you are thinking that I am better than you. I know that and almost hesitated documenting this, but I was hoping a couple of you would attempt to hold me accountable to it. I have set up budgets in the past and kept them for a couple months when I know how much I make and pay for a few things. But as I look into actually becoming a responsible adult and potential husband father by the time I am 70, I realized I can’t force others to eat Ramen for a month to “catch up”, or when jobs end or medical problems come or car or …fill it in. I am also hoping some of ya’ll struggling will see it is easy to make small changes.

Hate to cut this short but its nearly 6 in the am and my iTunes went from Chris Smither to some crappy Hip Hop with language that deserves more soap than respect, yo! to classical to Jason Upton! (Plugs not subsidized)

Peace, and Fight the Power!

Readability- 76.2/100

Sarcasm - 12/10

Seperated at Birth!?!?

Paula White

Venom from American Gladiators

Addendum 1

Hello,

I apologize as i didn't really tell people my status.

I am staying on the SE side. I have a room in the basement of a house I share with 3 other Christian men but only one really comes home before 10pm. I have seen the other 2 just not for long. It is a pretty cool place although I was staying in the NW when I first arrived and there was a lot of really cool places to eat and read. It was also walking distance to Powell’s so I am sad it takes me a while to get there now. I am still looking for a job, but have faith that God loves me and will therefore take care of that. I have 7 resumes out at last count and am supposed to be working on that right now.

Have a great day,

Jeremiah

Very Interestink

It’s complicated. Like Keith Richards, the Santa legend is ancient, murky, and fairly disturbing. The cuddly version — grandfatherly St. Nick employing elfin labor to make toys for the children of the world — is only the latest in a long line of iterations. Santa has evolved.

The original Saint Nicholas was a Christian bishop in 4th-century Myra, geographically located in modern-day Turkey. As an adult, Nicholas gained a reputation as a generous man and the protector of innocents. These saintly traits largely arose from two horrific legends, both of which eventually led to his canonization.

The first is said to have occurred during a terrible famine. A local butcher, in need of something to sell, lured three unsuspecting boys into his shop. He killed the boys, chopped them into pieces, then stuffed their remains in a brine tub, hoping to cure them enough that he could sell the parts as ham. Nicholas was visiting the afflicted region at the time of the crime. Somehow Nicholas became aware of the butcher’s wicked deed. He visited the shop, uncovered the crime, and hastily reassembled the three boys. They came back to life, a bit salty but otherwise in good health. Despite the happy ending, it’s not exactly the kind of story that gets told at the Christmas Eve candlelight service.

In the second legend, a poor citizen of Myra had three daughters, but not enough money to afford a dowry for them. No dowry meant no marriage, and unmarried women in those days generally had one career choice: prostitution. The father was less than thrilled by this possibility, but too proud to ask for help. Nicholas discovered the family’s predicament the night before the first daughter came of age. Not wanting to embarrass anyone, he approached the family’s house late one night and tossed a bag of gold through an opened window. He did the same thing the night before the second daughter came of age. Both gifts were enough to cover the dowry, and both girls were spared the consequence of their poverty.

Before long, the third daughter was ready to marry, and the appreciative father wanted to find out who was behind the lavish gifts. When the time came, the father hid next to the window, hoping to catch their anonymous benefactor in the act. Nicholas learned of the father’s plan and improvised: Instead of lobbing it through the window, he dropped the third bag of gold down the chimney.

It wasn’t long before people began to suspect that the kindly bishop Nicholas, who had inherited money from his affluent parents, was behind these mysterious actions and a great many other secretive gifts to the poor. After he died of old age on December 6, 343 AD the people of Myra continued providing for those in need. In fact, they made a practice of giving gifts anonymously, always attributing them to the late Bishop Nicholas.

Before long, the bishop — who had worn liturgical robes of red and white — was canonized as a saint. Saint Nicholas became venerated as the protector of innocents, the patron saint of children, and a secret giver of gifts.

Of course, the traditional American idea of Santa Claus — along with his British/Canadian counterpart, Father Christmas — originates in the stories surrounding Nicholas of Myra. As far as saints go, St. Nick was especially venerated in the Netherlands, where he became known by the Dutch variant Sinterklaas. When the Dutch came to the New World and settled in New Amsterdam (today’s New York City), they brought with them the story of the now-anglicized “Santa Claus.”

And as is our custom, we Americans made the story bigger and gaudier, tacking on details from several unrelated sources. The karmic idea of rewarding good kids and punishing naughty children is rooted in old Norse folktales. The stuff about the reindeer and Santa’s sleigh got added once Clement Moore’s poem, “Twas The Night Before Christmas,” swept the nation in the early 1800s. Decades later, the magazine Harper’s Weekly commissioned several Thomas Nast engravings which depicted Santa in his workshop, reading letters and checking lists. The legend grew.

And here we are today. Kids leave cookies near the fireplace, parents are careful to preserve bootprints in the ashes, and Santa has transitioned into the 21st century. No longer does he oversee the building of simple wooden toys in his elf-staffed workshop. Nope. These days, little boys and girls — whether they’re good or bad, or rich or poor — probably expect Santa to drop a new iPod Nano in their stocking. Or, at the very least, the High School Musical 2 DVD. A wooden toy train? Unthinkable.

You have to feel for St. Nick. The legendary protector of children and distributor of anonymous gifts to the poor has turned into a victim of the worst kind of western entitlement and consumerism. Kids are more demanding. Chimneys are smaller. Families are leaving skim milk and low-fat cookies instead of the real stuff. It’s hard out there for a right jolly old elf. Somewhere deep within the folds of Santa’s suit, we’ve lost the story of St. Nick.

I’m always an advocate for stripping away the Santa Claus stuff at Christmastime and focusing on Jesus. But there’s a wide chasm between baby Jesus and Santa Claus, and maybe it’s a lot to ask a Christianity-averse culture to make that long journey from one side to the other.

Perhaps a better idea is to move them toward the middle by resurrecting Saint Nicholas of Myra. Annoyed with all the Jesus talk? Don’t want to celebrate Christ at Christmas? Fine. Then let’s celebrate someone else. Let’s talk about the 4th-century dude who kept little boys from grisly deaths and kept little girls out of the sex trade. Let’s talk about the revered religious figure who freed those in bondage, who restored life to the lifeless, and who refused to overlook the suffering of the innocent. Let’s talk about the man of God who gave out of his prosperity, who dispensed grace with no strings attached, who lived to bless those trapped in poverty.

Let’s talk about Saint Nicholas, the Bishop of Myra, Sinterklaas 1.0.
Because when we peel away the red robes and silly hat and centuries of tradition, we might just see something, in the Santa legend, that we Christians recognize: It’s the Gospel. It’s the Good News. It’s the face of Jesus. It’s hope for the hopeless, liberty for the captives, abundance for the poor.

Maybe the distance between the North Pole and Bethlehem isn’t so great after all.

This story has been adapted from an article that originally ran in issue 30 of RELEVANT.

Author: Jason Boyett

Jason Boyett is the author of Pocket Guide to the Bible and several other books.

Dear Jeremiah,

For Christmas, Burger King is trying to make the country's poorest workers even poorer. Click here to tell Burger King to do the right thing.

A few months ago, we asked you to send messages to Burger King, asking them to join McDonald's and Taco Bell in increasing the sub-poverty wages of Florida tomato pickers.

Almost 20,000 of you responded, but Burger King's behavior has only gotten worse. Not only have they failed to heed the faith community's call to improve wages and working conditions for tomato pickers - they're working to undermine the Coalition of Immokalee Workers' existing agreements with other fast-food chains!

This Christmas season, tell Burger King to stop being a Scrooge and start paying farm workers fair wages.

As Eric Schlosser, author of Fast-Food Nation, explained in the New York Times:

The migrant farm workers who harvest tomatoes in South Florida have one of the nation's most backbreaking jobs. For 10 to 12 hours a day, they pick tomatoes by hand, earning a piece-rate of about 45 cents for every 32-pound bucket. During a typical day each migrant picks, carries, and unloads two tons of tomatoes.

Yum! Brands (owner of Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and KFC) and McDonald's had agreed to pay a penny more per pound to increase wages by 70 percent per bucket, but this holiday season workers aren't receiving the increase. Why? Because Burger King has refused to pay the extra penny ...

and its refusal has encouraged tomato growers to cancel the deals already struck with Taco Bell and McDonald's. This month the Florida Tomato Growers Exchange, representing 90 percent of the state's growers, announced that it will not allow any of its members to collect the extra penny for farm workers.

A Burger King spokesman responded, "Florida growers have a right to run their businesses how they see fit" - apparently, even if that means putting profits ahead of justice and dignity for their workers.

Meanwhile, on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs - a major shareholder in Burger King, with two representatives on the board of directors - is preparing to pay holiday bonuses. Last year, Goldman Sach's top 12 executives received more than $200 million in bonuses - more than twice the annual earnings of 10,000 Florida tomato pickers.

Click here to send a message to Burger King and Goldman Sachs, calling for justice for farmworkers!

As we read of such injustices in this time of Advent, we reflect upon God's justice and mercy, as described in the words of Mary:

[God] has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly; [God] has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich away empty (Luke 1:52-53).

Advent reminds us that God intends well-being for all, not just some. We hope you'll join us in taking action.

Blessings,

Elizabeth, Ryan, Duane, and the rest of the team at Sojourners

P.S. We need Burger King to hear loud and clear that it is time to ensure fair wages for tomato pickers. Can you please share this message with at least five of your friends, members of your family, or congregation?

Quote source: Eric Schlosser, "Penny Foolish." The New York Times, 11/29/2007.

---

Visit the web address below to tell your friends about this.
Tell-a-friend!

If you received this message from a friend, you can sign up for Sojourners.

CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!!

Hi friends,
My sis is trying to start her business and the house is full of cards and stationary. Please buy as you are financially able.

Our first (and last!) sale of 2007

Last chance for some great last minute gifts - enter code "HOL" during checkout and receive 10% off your order! Offer expires on December 18th so act fast!
You may pass this offer on to all your family and friends to share the Holiday Sweetness.


Jennifer Meeks Santiago
770-447-6880

www.SweetSarahDesigns.com

PS...this counts as part of the advent conspiracy, if you are wondering...

9 crazy years

I went for a walk tonight. For over 2 hours. In the dark. With charcoal pants, dark blue hoodie and black hat. I went because i was torn up inside. I have had one of the worst weeks of my life in many ways. This week is often the worst week of my life, and often I don’t know why until tonight or maybe yesterday. Please bear with me as this is a mix of life, counseling and tears. Please excuse language if you believe good Godly people don’t endorse it.

9 years ago, I was coming off the high of hosting my sister in Anchorage, Alaska for Thanksgiving. I had been able to spend time with friends, had a couple good meals and just generally was proud to show my sister I was “grown up”. I showed her I could make friends. Friends that would sneak beer out of their parents’ house and then drive us to a drug house where I would sneak into to the back room for an unremembered amount of time to “partake”.

9 years ago today, I would pick up the phone after a long day of classes and scream at the top of my lungs, then punch a wall possibly breaking a knuckle. I would proceed to call all of my friend’s phone numbers in order to just not to be alone. I would have that friend who showed my sister I was grown up (and no longer sober) come to my house and scream at a few airlines until she drove me to the airport a couple hours later. She would then become a great person to say, “come on over, I care” often not only with words but deeds. She would also take all of my best advances and call me silly, which is one of the most caring things ever.

9 years ago today, I would endure the longest, shittiest plane ride of my life (which is still quite a feat after over 60,000 miles on the Greyhound of the sky- China Air). I would intermittently fake sleep, suppress crying, sit in cramped lavatories sobbing and listen to acoustic, rage induced, hippie music. I would weep than act like I was sneezing. I would regret slamming a cup of Jack Daniels and tea in a horrible homemade Tennessee Tea. This regret won’t last long however and I will soon attempt to cover up the pain felt with any and all chemicals I can in as high a dose as monetarily possible.

9 years ago today, I would walk into the house I grew up in for more than 8 years and feel more lost than a Jamaican in Oslo. I would see love and affection. Caring and sadness from those whom I barely cared about for more than what they had to offer me. I would smile and weep depending on what others were doing. I would laugh and cry often at the same time. I would witness the outpouring of care and love from people I never met, yet people that were connected to me for the moment. I would see people I never expected to see again and then forget them in the coming days. I would cry, then laugh, then grow incredibly numb.

9 years ago today, I would think about how short life really is. How sudden life really is. How unexpected it could be and how cruel the world was, is and will be. I would realize how unforgiving some situations are and how you can’t change yesterday only tomorrow. I would become mad, sickened, apathetic, defensive and falsely dependent often at the same time. I would change all my plans in an instant just to switch them again the next.

9 years ago today, I would look up into the sky and curse whatever was up there or wasn’t or was. I would stick my middle finger up and think simply “If this is who You really are I will never call you again!” In fact I will do the opposite of everything I did when I was with you, when I thought you cared. When I thought you liked that I picked up a classmates’ fallen school books, or helped an old lady open the door or asked someone I didn’t know how they were today. If you say left I will go right; up down, right wrong, white black, no yes, stop go, slow fast, eat drink, wake sleep, truth lie, grieve play, live…die.

It was 9 years ago today that my life changed for ever and ever and ever and… That phone call was my sister who I had just seen, tell me first to sit down and then that my Dad was in a fatal car wreck. The man I despised living with 5 years before, simply because I was a teenager and he wanted me to become a man not stay a child, was now gone. The man who fought for me tooth and nail when I needed help would never be on call again. The man who sacrificially worked as a tow truck driver, extermination salesman, office laborer, and meat cutter instead of kindergarten school teacher would never provide for me again. The man who failed Hebrew and Greek multiple times yet never let me give up on academics would not be there to be proud of me again. I could go on for a while, but basically the man who brought me into this world had departed it once and for all.

Sadly, I can not say I reacted to his death by making him proud. I did for a while. I mean I tried for a few weeks. I used the time off right before finals to attempt to make up school work missed and received extensions in all my classes thereby allowing me to grieve although I was numb to grief honestly. I returned to Fairbanks— aka the coldest, darkest, worst place for a slightly depressed, chemically dependent inclined, confused young man to live— about a week before schools started to make up the work I missed. It was here that I received an equal amount of apathy as I had previously given. That numb feeling was wearing off. The man who worked so I didn’t have to until after college was no longer able to do so. It was cold, dark and chemicals were often flowing into my apartment, and thereby me. This assisted in protecting that numbing feel. As time went on more was needed to keep that numb feeling going. Apathy was taking over. Why the eff am I working if I am just going to die? Everything is in vain under the sun. Why am I training for a life I will never fulfill? Why am I sacrificing when I could be traveling, learning…living!?!

So that is where I got that life philosophy!

I became more and more withdrawn. I spent more and more time alone. I felt more and more alone, because I made myself alone. Alone, not necessarily independent although I knew I could do it all myself. I had given up on higher education and was going to see the world. I felt my dad had missed out on so much by not being able to travel. By not being able to hold his grandchildren, like he held every newborn at every church to which he belonged. By not being able to live off the money he worked so hard for. By not being able to see me fulfill the dreams he helped me create, mold, and begin to fulfill. So I was going to do it for him. But now those dreams were gone replaced by a new one. I was going to travel the world. In fact, I had a plan and started a newsletter called “moosefrog world tour: leg ___.” I had no intention of finishing school I was just going to have fun, to see the world, to learn that way.

So that is where I got that life philosophy!

Amazingly, my family was dealing with so much on their own they allowed me as a 19 year old to pack up all my stuff I wanted to keep, stick out my thumb and follow my new dreams. I knew they cared, but also knew I needed my space. I was independent, young and in charge of my life. After being asked to leave Skagway by the new sheriff in town for vandalizing my failed grades on historic Molly Walsh’s house’s back wall, I learned to respect and avoid authority. After leaving my pack with all I owned at a bus stop on Tudor and Old Seward and having it depart without me, I learned materialism is pointless. After staying in California to regain money and fellowship with my aunt and uncle, I relearned family means a lot. After stopping at the Eau Claire, Wisconsin McDonalds 5 times with Greyhound and seeing the beautiful women in that town, I learned there is something in the water there. After being stood up at the Chicago Greyhound bus station I learned that I need to solve my own problems. After staying with my friend in Philly and traveling to NYC I realized friends make the world go around and around. After staying with her white supremacist roommate I learned higher education and intense knowledge does not equal “all knowing”, in fact occasionally it equals a closed mind with no way in or out. After staying in Boston for 6 hours and eating Vietnamese spring rolls and noodles, I realized simple is often the best. After a loving phone call in Wisconsin, and a cancelled meeting in Georgia 2 weeks later, I realized love hurts. After driving down the street at 512 pm, 8 years ago, I realized that there is something out there, another realm. All of these were life lessons and I have made them into philosophies.

In the midst of this, I was also having an internal dialogue possibly similar to John Bunyan’s Pilgrim. I had experimented with yoga and learned I don’t bend that way. I had walked back into churches and learned even though Jesus lets you come as you are, many humans don’t. I read about worshiping nature and realized that it took a lot of time to worship the tree that is giving you shade and the other tree that is giving you pages of a book to read, and the other plant you are chewing on like a hayseed. It seemed much easier to worship the Creator that allowed you to come as you were made to be and bend as your vessel allows. I realized ways to worship were as diverse as pizza toppings in Burnside. I realized some were more appealing to me than others. I realized that my life was meant for more than I was allowing it to be. I realized all things do happen for a reason, for the best, even though so often it does not seem possible at the time.

Today, I am who I am because of that day 9 years ago. I have been forced to become a man in many circumstances and failed in many ways. I have had things put on my plate I would never have chosen or willingly accepted. Yet through those failures, those problems, those mistakes, those horrible, horrible days I have become a totally different person. A person that is stronger, more determined, more able to be victorious, more loving, more caring, more spontaneous, more... just more. I have become more than I was before. I would not have become that person if it was not for those travels mentioned above and more importantly, those friends that were there to let me winch, complain, cry and be who I was at the time. I would also have not learned love, compassion, caring and forgiveness if not for those people who paused on their paths as we crossed.

Imagine….If all of that could happen in less than 1 year, imagine the following 8 and the future decades. All because of one day. Imagine if I was not raised and taught right what I could have become. Imagine if this is the impact I see, feel and know, imagine what others can testify to and what they became. Just imagine. Thank you Dad. I miss you.

I am ok

Kawan,
I just read over the previous post and well...wanted to say that over a bowl of pho last night I felt God's love and realized that all of life is not bad, just some times of it. Of course I say this as I am about to cry my way through my yearly thoughts on death and God's plan. Peace and love.

Failure

Authors warning: this is a rant and pointless but maybe you will learn from it. Dont judge me.
thanks.

Do you ever just feel like you fail at everything you try? But you don't really care about it?
As another Daily Show and Colbert Report rerun came on, I realized I need to care. The past few weeks I have been fighting this feeling as I haven't gone to the gym, turned down seconds of pie, woken up early for work, driven speed limit, listened to quality programming instead of crap, read instead of watched TV, told my girl all that I think about her, made excuses for all these things above...on and on. It feels like failure.
The bad part is that I am apathetic. In fact I am beyond it, I used to be apathetic, but now I just don’t care. I don't want to change. I know I need to but just don't care. I realized this as I was talking to my boss while CNN.com is sitting on my computer screen. I have two dueling beliefs- 1. I only surf the web when out of work so if you see me doing so, give me more work and 2. It is disrespectful to your boss if you don’t attempt to minimize your solitaire or web browser. I have obviously been leaning more to #1 and I know they record all the movements on my computer and therefore the boss will know anyway. This doesn’t look good or even sound good as I write it.
Every morning I pray I will serve my God with wisdom and justice. Part of this comes with being on the look out for ways to say "No, I don’t look at women that way" and part comes from not slacking off at work, home or in life.I plan to read, then don’t.I plan to write, but then don’t.I plan to work out but then don’t.I plan to eat right but then don’t.I plan to sleep early (20 minutes ago) but then don’t.I plan to call her but then don’t.This all eventually comes to fruition and I will change but why can’t I stop it earlier? Why must I wait until my laundry smells before washing the first load? Why must I wait until my pants are tight before I work out and eat right? Why do I wait to be bored with cnn and lose 4 games of spider solitaire before I ask for more work? Why don’t I care? Why do people drink Bud Dry? (Is that still available?) Why did I think of that? I have this underachiever mentality. It started when my Dad unexpectedly died I think, maybe before, but strengthen on December 1, 1998.I became like Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes - All is nigh under the sun, why work for anything, its not worth it, let’s all just get stoned and play Xbox 4...Once a friend called me Eeyore. And surprisingly we are still friends. I don’t want to be Eeyore, although I do like going in circles, especially when I talk and write. It explained my view of life and as often as I think of my failures I think of becoming Eeyore. I think of my dad and making him proud and then figure if that’s how life is going to end, why plan for the future? Why save money? Why spend time and saved money on education? Why fall in love? Why try to become something? It’s all going to end! I actually have a written rant about how being raised as a middle class white kid makes me Eeyore. I just don’t want more out of life; just want to make it to tomorrow. I have always had clothes, food, and a roof and therefore picking up and moving constantly doesn’t scare me. I will lose the weight someday, so why try? I will find another job if fired, so why work hard at this one that is boring? I will write another day, I will learn another day; I will do that another day....

Educated people call this procrastination. I called it life.
But you know I am entering the second half of Ecclesiastes and need to live like it. I need to have joy and see the beauty under the sun. And plan something for this life. I need to be free from “slackering” and procrastination. I have so many books started but not read, letters not finished writing, plans not fulfilled, dreams possible but not made come true, plans unfulfilled, love unknown, life incomplete....
So friends, maybe you can relate. If so, let’s unzip the sleeping bag, pack up our pack and see what the trail has. And once we start we must agree to finish. Don’t let underachieving and procrastination be an excuse. It didn’t work before and won’t work again.

If not, just pray for me and feel free to give me a kick in the ass if you see me losing my tail like Eeyore.

from THe Door

Some Things Jesus Would NOT Say
11/13/2007
By Fred Allen
"Oops."
"Do you know the way to San Jose?"
"Finders keepers, losers weepers."
"Best two out of three?"
"Well, I suppose it'd be OK. But just this once."
"What's the matter with you guys? Can't you take a joke?"
"You're not the boss of me."
"Do they want red or white wine?"
"I'm pretty good at division, but I'm great at multiplication."
"Peter, sometimes you're such a poopy head."
"How the heck should I know why fools fall in love?"
"Would you consider giving me half the kingdoms of the world if I fall down and worship you for, say, ten minutes?"
"Just between you and me, I walked because I don't know how to swim."
"Blessed are the ... are the ... um ..."

News and Random Xone

Hi friends,
So I have promised many articles to read, but my life has actually gotten a little busy lately as I don’t want to sit a computer when I get home from sitting at a computer. they are coming, as is a blog of just heartfelt writing.
I have a roadtrip this weekend which is going to rock to Chicago and Osh Kosh B'gosh, WI. I am still working at the insurance company and hopefully will until at least Christmas. I am still looking for a room or apartment in Portland. Leads if you have any are much appreciated. I think I found a school in Portland. I think I need to get to Asia soon to see someone. That’s my life- dreams of an incredible future and big fon bills connecting the past with the future, paid for by a boring job while staying with family.

Random things have blessed me and made me smile. Some are listed below. You are entering a random zone. Be warned.



Illustration of not knowing the bible. By Dr. Voddie Baucham
One side – I cant teach my children the Bible and how to worship because I don’t know it that well!
Side B- You go into work. Your boss has resigned and his boss has appointed you to his position. He asks if you can do the position which is new to you and something you haven’t experienced before. You reply “I will learn how to deal with any situations I am unfamiliar with and I will do the best job I can and be successful”.
Back to Side A- Your child comes to you and asks to take a girl out overnight. You don’t know the verse in the bible that says premarital sex is wrong, so you….say I will tell you in the morning. You spend an hour after he sleeps to study your word. You present it to him in the morning. Little does he know you are only 6 hours ahead of him. He thinks you are a Godly scholar.


You have to love the first few cold days of the year, because people don’t really take the time to find their nice jacket. They just wear whatever because you only need it for a little while. There by one of the ladies at my work today was rocking an awesome concert jacket….from the 70’s….from a Pink Floyd show.

I drove behind a van today that had fake bullet holes on one window and the other was boarded up,... possibly from bullet holes?

Mitch Hedberg is hysterical!!! I am so sad he is most likely not in heaven and no longer on earth. Just imagine him and Farley tearing it up.
"I went to the store to buy a candle holder. They didn’t have any so I bought a cake."
"I have an infestation of koala bears in my apartment. But its not bad, cause they are cute. When i turn the light on and they all scramble away, I am sad. I want to hold them"


A Quote from Chuck Colson and Breakpoint.
Christians are not immune to the siren call of porn. A Focus on the Family poll found that 17 percent of Christian adults have visited sexually oriented sites.
Really, 17%? Is that 17% of adults without computers in the home or 17% of evangelical Christians who subscribe to James Dobson. Every men's group i have been in has not averaged 17%, more like 17% haven't.

ARE you serious? The church wants to keep people out? Those WWJD bracelets need to make a comeback. This just breaks my heart and mind.
http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/archives/neighbor.html

I processed a claim this week where carpets, toilets, sinks, closet doors, electrical outlets, the water heater, and more were "stolen" from a house which was in a "weekend" community. I could only imagine another house being built and the thief's just going to get "supplies". A little ironic.

"Love is a piano dropped from a four story window. You were at the wrong place at the wrong time." Ani Difranco

these were captions on photos. are the sentences really related?

Naked volunteers pose for photographer Spencer Tunick in front of the Aletsch glacier in Switzerland, August 18, 2007. A surge in naked sleepwalking among guests has led one of Britain's largest budget hotel groups to re-train staff to handle late-night nudity. (Stefan Wermuth/Reuters)

Cherry tomatoes and hot peppers are displayed for sale at the Food Project's Farmer's Market in the Boston neighborhood of Dorchester, Massachusetts, August 14, 2007. Supermarket shoppers may soon be cruising the aisles with 'intelligent' shopping carts that warn them if they're buying too much junk food, technology experts say. (Brian Snyder/Reuters)

A tattoo is seen on the arm of a Harley Davidson biker at the 16th European Annual Harley Owners Group Rally in Fuengirola, southern Spain, June 21, 2007. Sibu the orang-utan has miffed his Dutch keepers by refusing to mate with females and showing sexual interest only in tattooed human blondes. (Jon Nazca/Reuters)

Donald Miller

I just finished reading a book called To Own A dragon. If you have not read this you need to do so.

proofreading

Hi friends,
i have written 4 articles i want to get proof read before i submit them to various online places possibly publishing them. If you would be interested in proofreading them for me, let me know. i would appreciate it abundantly.

Passing of the Major

“He is the way to salvation, the life to live and that is the truth.” Based on John 14:6

The kingdom of God on earth lost a prince this month when Major W. Ian Thomas passed on. While you might not know that name, and many don’t, those who did know him, or were influenced by him, have been affected for the rest of their lives and won’t forget him. Hearing and accepting the full gospel as a tween, he dedicated his life to God’s mission, and became what kids now call a Jesus Freak. At 19, he began serving with Intervarsity and lived out his faith on the streets of England. When World War II was in full force, he trusted in God as he served in the British Forces around Europe. He was a real Major of both England’s military and God’s Army.
Like most of the people reading this, he was a man striving to honor God with his life. Like many in the world, he has written a couple books and been successful in life. However, like fewer, he started a training and equipping center that has grown into an organization influencing millions and is at work on 4 continents in over 25 locations. And like fewer still, he lived for Christ wholeheartedly for over 80 years! That’s a Legacy.
Nearly four years ago I had a chance to literally sit at his feet in his hotel room in Penang, Malaysia. Through several incredible connections I was given the opportunity to meet him, and I didn’t really know what to expect. I knew he was a good man and my friends spoke highly of him. For over two hours, we chatted and he opened my head and heart up with his words and presence. He cracked jokes and made fun of the friends we had in common. We discussed American football and sports. He was very evangelical, very much a man of purpose. He shared how his life was transformed through the Gospel. I heard war stories—from his days in Europe and his encounters with the spiritual realm. He shared how he viewed life simply, and how he wanted to spend his 90th birthday fly fishing in British Columbia. But I was most impressed with his humility and genuineness.
He told me how the church needs to be geared for people who aren’t yet feeding on meat, and that most Christians need to feed themselves. He said the only church he was a regular member of was BSBC- Bed Side Baptist Church. This might have been because of his grueling travel and speaking schedule around the world. He said the only books he ever owned and needed were the 66 of the Bible and how degrees are not necessary. “I have a D.B., but I never got a B.D.” He was referring to his large dirty Bible sitting next to him, and lack of biblical or divinity degrees. In fact, he said he never went to Bible school because he didn’t want to get confused. His degrees came from BSBS- Bed Side Bible School. I am not sure if that was affiliated with the church or not.
These phrases made me laugh because he was the author of “The Saving Life of Christ” which more than one person told me was an essential in the Christian’s library. Also he founded Capernwray Missionary Fellowship of Torchbearers, a network of schools which have trained hundreds of thousands in Biblical living through the saving life of Christ.
I was in Malaysia receiving training with another organization, (which he forgave me for), but honestly, those 2 hours taught me so much more than the 3 previous months of study. He taught me how to live out Christ. He explained John 14: 6 in a way I hadn’t heard before, that “He is the Way to salvation, the Life to live, and that is the Truth.” Through my training program, I had been trying to become more humble and respectful. I wanted to be more hospitable to people, more caring of how they really were, and more perceptive to where their soul was really at with God. I also wanted people to see the real me. I wasn’t starting from zero, but in sitting with him I realized that I had a long way to go, and that those years of living in the world before my transformation had set me back a couple steps, if not miles.
His wife, Joan, was part of the conversation as well. She was actually the one living out the hospitality, giving me Tiger biscuits, and making sure my cup of English tea was full. I was glad she was there. I was also glad she was there because I got to see their love. He was confined to his bed because he was recovering from some emergency surgery performed in Japan. He said he didn’t need a nurse, that he had a wife. He said that out of pure love and adoration of her. There were no back handed comments between them like you see on TV, just his genuine care for her, and her giving of herself and her effort to care for him. I pray I can love my wife that way when I am 89 years old. I attempted to help out and give her a break while I was there, but neither of them would let me. I was their guest, and their hospitality showed through in a profound way. The Major told me his philosophy was to tell people “God bless you even if you don’t deserve it.”
As I road home on my bicycle, I realized I was just in the presence of a holy man, and I was challenged and changed to live like him.
Today when I hear people describe me, humility and genuineness are words that they use. I have a hard time accepting this, but I know the days before I met him I was working on becoming the humblest man in the world, and after seeing his example I am becoming more Christ-like. I point back to those two hours I had talking with him and his wife. His humbleness humility, genuineness, and respect for his wife will never leave me and will be a story I can hopefully tell my grandkids. And while he is not Christ, he is the closest thing I have seen on this Earth.
Thank you, Major and Mrs. T. You are my heroes.

Personal journal and http://torchbearers.gospelcom.net/html/major/major_bio.html consulted to attempt complete accuracy for article. The remainder came from memories and respectful adoration of a powerful Man of God.

More information about Maj. Thomas’ legacy can be found at http://www.capernwray.org.uk

Jeremiah Meeks is an American born, Wanna- be- Asian who desires to see the continent of Asia singing the praises of Jesus in unison at the throne of the King.
His tagline is a mirror-like “Go Be Love- Love, Be, Go”.
If he ever actually starts writing regularly it will be found at emmaus07.blogspot.com

(Article rejected for publishing last month)

Fasting Log 2345

So I have approached that insomnia/ lack of taste/ blah section of the fast. I am sick of the taste in my mouth, and am brushing my teeth alot. I want to read more, but am not finding the time. which is stupid because i have it. I just finished an awesome book. Rebel with a Cause, by Franklin Graham. It tells the story of his slightly rebellious years, stuggle to be the son of one of the best know preahers ever and accepting his position to lead Samaritian's Purse. So i recommend that.
My niece turned 3. That was fun. Nothing like going to a birthday party while fasting, watching people eat lots of pizza and cake while you get dehydrated in the Georgia sun.
I am writing this instead of reading, or sleeping or rewriting my other article. I am trying to become a famous writer i have decided. I have also decided to move to Portland, most likely in January next year. I am going to go to school there and finish my degree. Thats right, i am GETTING A DEGREE. I dont know what or where or how i will pay for it. I just know i need to get that piece of paper and be able to check that box. I am selling out to the man.
I pray you all are well. Tha ks to those who have kept in touch. I miss Asia a lot and keep praying that i will come back sooner rather than later.
So I am rambling. Be blessed not stressed.
Jeremiah

and then there were none

So this was a fun day. No really it was until a little while ago, when my ipod reset itself. My tunes are not what i lost. I had recently moved all my pics and documents to it, to free up space on my laptop. At the time it seemed like a great idea. I was trying to find what wanted to keep, and moved the good stuff to the pod. Well, i lost somewhere around 8 Gb of photos from various places. So now i am not happy. I have some online, and others on disk, but most are not duplicated as far as i know.
But oh well. such is life. Send me photos.
Peace.
jeremiah
Ps. yes this is a random post. Another article coming soon.

"And then there were the mexican wrestlers"

(this is informal, sorry for grammar)
HI friends,
I have started to get into an American living rhythm again. Part of this is work, driving, and trying to get out in a city i know one person my age. This last Sunday I went to an incredible writing workshop. the people i didn't see at church would have called these people sinners. I would call them s. And no they are not Snakes on a transcendental plane. I was in a room covered in art that was on a fine line of mocking Christ. (it was mocking, although I found some humour in it.) There were homosexuals, single mothers, teenage pregnancy survivors, alcoholic beverage and drug users, addicts, strippers, and an escort. As well as successful business men and women, abuse survivors, many who lost their parents at various ages, and many hysterical people. I had a blast, because I loved to hear their stories. How people are still walking after the abuse they sustained, getting pregnant at 17 or 15, internalizing parent's deaths and other losses, addictions- both personally and familial, giving up children to adoption...the list goes on. Yet all these people were so creative and awesome to just share. It was awesome to pop the Christian bubble. I really do just wonder how people can live in that. I hope to read these guys and gals books one day and hear the rest of the stories.
I have started such a pattern that i can wake up at 7 instead of 630 to get to work on time. I work out at the gym more regularly. Am excited to go to church on Sundays and cant wait to get into a home group. Also I can do double the work i did last week in the same amount of time. All things about setting into normal boring life again. I have promised my inner traveler a trip to the PNW in the Fall. working on many details for that, in my head. I miss Asia, but have no need to go back in the immediate future. Only to visit people hopefully by next year.
I have noticed I have to shave every day to be presentable in my business professional dress code job. Especially since my collars and tie make my neck itchy if I don't. I feel like i can trace this back to my time on the AT. It really does make you a man apparently. I am excited by the money appearing in my bank account and the fact i don't have to worry about making time to beg for money. I just have to work for it, which honestly is easier.

Recommendation. www.hamishandandy.com.au They have a podcast which the world needs to listen to, so go subscribe today.
ok, its that time. So good night.

Legacy

Hi friends,

So I have been changed by THE CALL again. I went once before, but this time it has really made me think. Not necessarily making me think about what I need to do, but how I need to relate to the church of America. I will be here for “a season”. This season will most likely be about 4-5 years. I am not easily concerned about those who don’t want to accept Christ and are therefore going to Hell. That’s their choice, they have been asked, most of them. I am not easily concerned that churches are closing up because they won’t change. They are scared they will lose the 80 years old if they try to welcome the 20 year olds. That is not my concern, there are places that welcome all and that non-churchy people can go too. What makes me think is why there are so many differences in the Church / kingdom? Why do black bishops scream and white men with extremely gelled hair talk as if we are going to wake the baby? Why do people deny the existence of A God, any God? Why are liberals wrong and conservatives right? These questions started at the call.

From the stage abortion was denounced, yet the war was supported. Is this not contradictory? Or is it? Abortion is murder. They agreed on that. But isn’t war murder on a global scale? And with that isn’t silence in places like North Korea, Cuba and the Sudan murder on a global scale? I was however impressed when after hours of railing against abortion, they presented the fact we need to come with the other hand- ADOPTION. Anti- Abortion and Pro- adoption MUST go hand in hand. One without the other is like a boat with oars on one side. The world is spinning out of control enough.

I have been working less. And this leaves more time for thinking. I ended up in a Borders the other day and looking in the Christian book section. I picked up a book with a sandwich cut by the cross on the front, titled “Take This Bread”. I flipped to the dust jacket and read about this 50s year old atheist walking into a church for no reason one day. She received Communion and immediately accepted Christ. She is (was?) still a lesbian, still older, and still doubtful, but started feeding the people of the city and telling them about Jesus. Now I have only read a little of the book. She was raised as the granddaughter of missionaries on both sides and literally hidden from religion. She was in her 20s before she knew what Christmas and Easter were about. That takes some work for the parents to hide a child for that. What did the grandparents say and do that their children did not what to share any faith with their children after turning their backs totally on Jesus?

As I put it back on the shelf I wanted to read more to hear what her experiences with the church were. While at the Call we walked down on the main drags of Nashville, silently praying for Christ to come in power. We walked past bars, clubs, churches, businesses and even past the Hustler shop (club?). But I was most shocked by 2 things- 1- we went past a hospital and I wondered why people were not pouring out in miraculous healings as 50,000 God fearing, praying people passed them, and 2 an “alternative” bookstore with many rainbow banners and signs. They had various sayings on the windows about love, peace, and unity- one was 1 Corinthians 13 which they summed up “Love is the answer”. I told a couple people this and asked if they saw it on the window and they huffed. I am not sure what they thought by the phrase- possibly that homosexuals don’t understand love and all—but to me I felt God telling me that those who put that up, and read it NEED LOVE! Too many people have said they are sinners destined for hell, and they need to change NOW. Yes this is true in many cases, but if we show love, won’t they have a chance to come to Christ before our retirement funds run out? I mean it is possible that Christ is coming back tomorrow, and we need to make all repent, but why are you planning for when you are 80 then?

And in that vein. I felt a clear word from God Friday night- LEGACY. Do you stand for something? I had to say no. Most people don’t realize I am Christian until I tell them. I don’t condemn cohabitators, or homosexuals, or drunkards, or women dressed wrongly. I befriend them and let them know my faith. Is this right? I don’t know honestly. But I know that I HATED people calling me to immediate repentance when I wasn’t ready. –Pause-

CONCLUSION

I want to stand for something. I want something more than cheese and sausage on my tombstone. I want people to say, “he helped stop abortion”, “he loved people to Jesus”, “he helped women find their worth in God”, “he left a legacy”, “he helped men stop from giving women false worth”, “he loved me”, “he appreciated me”.

This morning at North point, Voddie Baucham spoke about Legacy and I wanted to scream Come On multiple times cause he was a preacher, but the white people around made me worry I would be judged. He basically stressed how we are called to be influences on our children and children’s children. Deuteronomy 6. I realized that I need to have a legacy to pass on. I spoke with him afterward and thanked him for blessing me. It was awesome.

Why do I think this way about love creating a legacy? Experience. I was saved on the road. I was challenged to stop drinking, and smoking and smoking and looking and…a couple other things. Then later I changed a little, a little more, a little more and little more and on and on till I am where I am today. IT wasn’t instant and if I didn’t have people that were willing to walk me through the small steps, I wouldn’t have made it up so many steps. I would I have back flipped off long ago.

So I am pursuing the balance. Where I can watch Carlos Mencia and GodTV without condemnation of either. Where people respect my time on Sundays and take my time up on Thursdays. Where Coworkers ask me about scriptures and faith, but aren’t scared to let me pray for their live in girlfriend.

So thanks for praying about that. Those last words took a long time to write. So I will end here.

The end.

www.myspace.com/redwarriors.

www.Bound4LIFE.com

the call

hi friends,
So I have been trying to get the words together about this past weekend. It was an incredible time, but hard to describe. God came and touched those I was with and those around the stadium. There were many powerful moments, and such. Then I received this email today. Since I am still becoming a great writer, I will let someone who runs a publishing company write about it. I actually was there from 7 am where we walked 3 miles in a silent walk of repentance down Love Street. And the cost was actually 1 million dollars, of which the initial 100,000 was recieved from a lady. This was a confirmation for Lou Engle to start The Call again. check out thecall.com as they are coming to close to your town.
Enjoy.

From: Relevantmagazine.com
Author: Cameron Strang
When we heard about The Call about six months ago, it sounded different. Instead of being hyped as a festival, it was billed as a day of fasting, worship and prayer. In a football stadium. In the July heat of Nashville, Tenn. And since one of the key things we’re to do with RELEVANT is chronicle what God is doing in our generation, I knew we needed to be there to see it for ourselves.
So, this past Friday, Adam Smith, Jesse Carey and I loaded up an SUV in Orlando and made the trek, having absolutely no idea what to expect when we arrived to downtown Nashville Saturday morning. It was a free 12-hour event, running from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. at LP Field (where the Titans play), but the advertising leading up to the event was a little less-than-descriptive: "It's not a festival. It's a fast." was the tagline. There were no bands listed, no speakers and none of the typical marketing information, so the event's drawing power was a complete unknown to us. Could it fill a stadium? And who would turn out?
Over the last few years we’ve seen massive declines at these Christian stadium events, especially with our generation. Most have faded away, and many of the ones still around have had big attendance drops. One notable annual event has gone from 80,000 attendance a few years ago to less than 20,000 this year. I just think that no matter how good an event is, once you attend it’s hard not to adopt a “been there, done that” mentality when the next one rolls around.
Most people are longing for something lasting and applicable to our everyday spiritual walk, rather than the mountaintop adrenaline rush of a stadium rally. There was a massive Call event in Washington, D.C., in 2000 that drew a reported and legitimate 400,000 people (I saw it with my own eyes) that were primarily ages 16 to 26. They subsequently held a few more stadium events from 2001 to 2003 that, though focused the same as the D.C. event, saw significant declines in attendance. And then they stopped. After four years, I was intrigued to see how this Call event would be. Would it be a retread of 2000, or something new?
When we arrived, we were immediately struck by the size of the crowd. In a 68,000-seat stadium, at 10:30 a.m. the stands were already 75 percent full, and the field was completely packed. The crowd was standing, fully engaged in passionate, vertical worship. None of this feel-good, me-centered stuff. It was worship.
The day was divided into three blocks—repentance, reconciliation and then revival. There was hardly any preaching, except for a few 10-minute teachings about key topics that were then prayed through. The prayer times were passionately led by pastors and nobodies. They were focused, personal and passionate. A new worship session would start every half-hour, led by different teams with very different styles. The day mostly followed this pattern for the 12 hours, though because of the different topics and themes being addressed, it never got old or felt redundant.
There was a fresh spirit at The Call. This 12-hour fasting, worship and prayer event in the stifling Tennessee humidity was not built for entertainment. It was for people who were serious about encountering God. It was for people who want to change the world. And, like one might expect, the makeup of the crowd was noticeably different from other events—the majority were college students and twentysomethings.
I was genuinely moved and impressed by what I experienced. I went in not knowing what to expect and left excited once again about what God is doing through our generation. The people there were hungry for God, passionate about impacting the world and sincere in their worship and prayer.
The good news is that it's not over. There are several more Call events scheduled around the country over the next year, and next August they will culminate in a massive rally in Washington, D.C. (They're hoping for a million people to come out. These people don't dream big; they dream huge.) Moreover, rather than just being experiential one-day events, The Call has set up training and action arms so people who are passionate about this lifestyle can act on it by pursuing callings in worship, the arts, social justice and prayer. It's honestly an amazing thing that's unfolding, and it's being fueled by people our age.
I think that’s why The Call was so strikingly different. There was no corporation pulling the strings; there was no profit motive (one lady donated all of the money needed to pay for this event); and there was absolutely no hype. Just tens of thousands of people, like us, who are passionate about God and changing the world. That's a pretty powerful combination. And something I want to be part of.Bonus: For an audio tour on my road trip with the guys to The Call, check out next week's RELEVANT Podcast. Also keep an eye on the new RELEVANT Podcast blog at RELEVANTmagazine.com for photos and video highlights.
Author: Cameron Strang Cameron Strang is the president and founder of RELEVANT Media Group. Make sure to check out his new blog every Friday at RELEVANTmagazine.com.

Thanks and Prayers

Hi Friends,
I thought I would write a short update for y'all that care.
I am working on and off as a temp. I have worked a week of the last 2, actually 6 days. I am too fast at data entry however and keep working myself out of a job. The latest was supposed to be 3 days and I was finished in one, with about an hour this morning spent proofing it. The boss was nice though and found me other work in the office to do so i could get 8 hours of pay.
I still need a good solid job because although working a couple days a week would be nice it will not allow me to save money for any adventures. And I need adventures. Speaking of which i am planning a trip to the PNW, specifically Portland in Octoberish, so let me know if you are close. Also I am hoping to go to The Call next week in Nashville. It would be cool to see some of y'all if you are there.
I appreciate your prayers over my life and even more i enjoy the opportunities to pray into your lives and the lives of friends. There is a website below the follow explanation of why its there, if you are in a rush.
If you all have spent time with me and got me talking about when major changes happened in my life, i will almost always talk of the time i spent at 24:7, an interdenominational bible study group i went to in 2001. It was led by a Christian comedian that opened up the scriptures to me, many for the first time, making them relevant and applicable like i never realized. He was also gut busting funny. I look at his web page once in a blue-green moon to see if he is on NBC (has written for them) or performing with friends or whatever. Instead of a great career move though, I noticed a call for prayers for his 3 year old daughter, who is battling cancer. The web page is below. I would ask you add her to your prayer lists and check back to see the progress. Even though it seems everyone is battling cancer, please still pray for them.
http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewHome.do

God Bless you all.
In Him.
jeremiah

PS. You can go to Kenn's site just for a laugh. http://www.kennkington.com/

I am Rich, So are you

(a letter for readers, so sit back and open your mind)

Hi friends,

I have had a contemplative night. First it was the drive to a concert listening to NPR stories from Iraq and Africa. How faith is killing people, people are dying and basically being forgotten. Then I volunteered with World Vision at a Israel and New Breed show. If you don't know that name-- click the link and let your life be changed. Then driving home I listened to Rick McKinley, pastor of Imago Dei. It was a good night.

The show was amazing and so many little kids got sponsored. Basically I tell people that they can sponsor a child each month for the same price as their dinner they just ate. Surprisingly it worked well tonight. Also it helped that the Spirit was flowing amazingly and Israel himself endorsed the program. The job rocks, because i get to watch most of the show, get in free, get escorted around the back stage and tonight I even met some of the New Breed. Israel however snuck away. I must say I loved the show, as Israel is one of my favorite artists and I didn't have to pay anything but an hour of work and some petrol.

I volunteered last week as well with World Vision. That night was at a 3 day event called Atlantafest at Six Flags over Georgia ( a massive amusement park, down the road from my mom's house). I was there on the first night and Hawk Nelson and Newsboys performed. Tonight it was at church (Church in the Now), a community based church. They were like black and white...well basically exactly black and white- I will let you guess which was black and which was white. At Atlanta Fest it was mostly youth, mostly affluent, mostly from outside the area- Alabama, South Carolina, Florida, other. A ticket cost $30 + park admission $45. There were hundreds of kids. T-shirts were $15, Cd's $15-20, Hot Dogs $5, Water $4. We had maybe 15 people stop by our table I noticed. I heard "My Youth group sponsors one.", "I sponsor one", "I don't have money" (usually this was from a young adult (20+) with more than $35 dollars of crap-- i mean shirts, Cd's, stickers, hot dogs, cokes-- in their hands). Eventually I didn't accept those answers. I would counter with "Doesn't count", "Just one" or "Revelation 21:8, Liar!!" I hated that a youth group of 15 sponsored ONE kid at $30 a month. that is 2 cokes or coffees a month--if you get a sale! This didn't work. Side Note- as if this whole ting isn't a rabbit trail- one of the shirt vendors sold "Free Hugs Available Here" T-shirts. OK, I have issues with this. first like 13 year old boys need a reason to touch 13 year old girls. and not surprisingly a lot of the wearers were 13 year old boys. B, that these kids spent money on this shirt. 3, that a company was selling them at a Christian concert. and Q, that said 13 year old boys after getting rejected by the teenage girls at the table came to me for a hug. I DON'T HUG! especially a horned 13 year old boy! so I didn't like that experience. I never asked the shirt company if they were Christian, but they need to check some things if they are. I shall now exit stage forward.



Tonight, I was one of 2 white people at the tables, and a handful in the audience. AWESOME. I love ethnicity. no one tried to hug me, and hundreds of people sponsored children!!! Praise God. Tickets were $15 or free, water cost $1 or was free at the fountain. No food sold. Cd's were 1 for 15 or 2 for 25. I know this because they asked me to help take money for some reason. apparently i look that reasonable. I solely believe the success of WorldVision was because of the SPIRIT in presence there. Israel brought it, He asked and was open for a supernatural, miraculous evening. And when the Spirit comes, people open UP. (I just flammed to type that- swingbatttabattabatta) Don't understand? let me explain- Kind of.

So I am living with my niece now. Well my sister and her family, which includes my niece, Sarah. Sarah is 2. 754521. She likes to baby things, like her toys and when she does this she might have been running and extremely hyper the second before, but she stops and looks at the doll or toy and says is a soft voice, "awww, its a baaaby" and proceeds to rock it. Let me repeat that- No Matter what she is doing, when she sees that toy, she stops and softly says ah....This is similar to the working of the spirit. No matter what is happening in our lives, when He hits us, when he lifts our hands, slows us down, when we realize he is THERE, we stop and say, Awwwww. And i notice this because when i really get hit, like God touching my heart hit, i often tear up and say Aww, How Beautiful HE is. Like my niece sees the beauty in that panda bear or puppy or hard plastic Pooh Bear. Doesn't matter what is going on, the energy level, the noise, the ... nothing matters! the Spirit just shows me His beauty. And I feel when the people experienced this beauty tonight, their hearts opened to giving of themselves and their wealth. Cause even the poorest guy in there (honestly possibly me) was RICH. Financially, Spiritually, Materially, Emotionally, ... RICH! They wanted to share that. They wanted to give back to the God they loved.

I have come to the realization that I am RICH. This comes from the fact I have resources mostly. I have a bank account. Do You? Even if it ends up at $0.34 most months, weeks or days, then you're rich. I have had a job for the last 3 days. I'm Rich. Especially amazing was the revelation that I made more in 3 days than multiple months in the last 4 years. I paid cash for a car, when most don't have the option to EVER own a vehicle, let alone a car. I was truly blessed by this. As I waited and waited on God, and it turns out so much nicer than I could have done for myself. Half the price, twice the nice. I am rich because of what I have access to and the ability to wait for the right time.

Rick McKinley was speaking about this, kind of, as he went through Isaiah 62, 41, and 58. He made the following statement- We often look at homeless people- the majority who are Christian in America- and wonder how they are Christian, while still being homeless. "If they really believed they would not be on the street," we say. We get this from the false Gospel of Benny which tells us God gives wealth the more we believe in Him. Well surprisingly, if you ask those people who live on the street why they believe when they are out alone, hungry, without clothes, without a roof, and many (hopefully) reply, "I pray and God brings His people to feed me, clothe me, and sometimes even talk to me and help me find a bed and place to sleep. " Wait, Did that just say that they trust in God because God's people give to them? Yes! (the Gospel of Benny comment and "Wait" part are authors paraphrasing) They are rich because while they don't have a lot of possessions, they have what they need. Maybe they live it more than we do.

OK, I have preached and written long enough. Hopefully you are convicted and writing a check to the ministry of your choice. The DVD i got has finished and I need to sleep.

Below I have placed some links to places you can sponsor children, pastors and villages to help those without our riches to have clean water, food, clothes, medical care, educations, and learn about the true richness--life in the Spirit and salvation through Christ.

PS if you are reading this, you have a computer and mostly can afford 24-35 dollars a month to save a life. I am willing to help if you have questions.







Sponsor a Child

http://www.christianchildrensfund.org/Default.aspx $24 a month- 81% goes to child

http://www.compassion.com/default.htm - $32- 84% goes to child

http://www.worldvision.org/ - $30-35 (hope child) a month-87% goes to child

http://www.gfa.org/sponsorachild- $28 a Month- 100% goes to child



Sponsor a Pastor

http://gfa.org/sponsor- $30 a month ($150 needed for full sponsorship of pastor- THIS a youth group can do)- 100% - good ol' KP



Sponsor A Well/ Village

http://www.bloodwatermission.com/index.php- $1,000 or less provides a well for fresh drinking water for villages.

Pontip's story

Hi friends.
Not much news for you but heres a story you can pray for. The link is at the end if you want to check out the ministry.

pontip's story
When I was in grade 9, I was raped by my half-brother and became pregnant with my first daughter. I stayed with him and we later had two more children. During that time my father was murdered by my mother's lover. Then my brother, who was living with me as my husband, was arrested for selling drugs. I married again soon after because I needed someone to provide for my children. I then had another son with my new husband.

Two years ago, my sister was also arrested for selling drugs and left her daughter at home. The responsibility for her care fell on me. Then in July 2004, my husband passed away because he had been working so hard to support the family that he grew weak and died. My mother and her new lover refused to give any money to help, and instead spent their money on my mother's alcoholism. My half-brother was now out of jail, but living with a new woman and refused to give any support.

I tried to find a job, but I could only earn 4000 Baht ($100 US), not nearly enough to support my family. I had left school during grade 9, and could only find work in low paying factory jobs. I had to support my sister in prison, my 15-year-old brother, my five-year-old niece, my four children, and my mother, who was now watching the children while I was working in a factory.

Only when I thought of my children I knew that I must survive so that they could. In September 2004, I made a decision to make money by working as a bar girl. I didn't like it, but this was the only means to earn enough money for my family. Sometimes I had trouble with some of the men who paid for me. Some forced me to drink, smoke, or take drugs I didn't want. One time a guest forced me to smoke something that I had never had, which turned out to be laced with an unknown drug. I found myself unable to breathe and feared for my life.

After that I wanted to escape my situation and even wanted to kill myself because that was the only way out that I could see. Only when I thought of my children I knew that I must survive so that they could. I met workers from The Well in November, and they said they were willing to help with my situation and my family. At the time, I had no idea about God. I didn't believe that people would offer to help unless they expected to get something back. My burden was great, and I feared that one day they would ask for something back from me that I couldn't give.

My goal was to one day buy my own vending cart and have my own business. I didn't join The Well because I still believed that I could save enough money working in the bars. Before long however I realized that my situation in the bar was worse and not going according to my plan. I wasn't making enough money in the bar, I was very unhappy there, my mother was drinking more, and a friend of mine who also worked in the bar began abusing drugs. Everything seemed hopeless. I needed someone to help. My life felt blocked, not only financially, but my soul was tired, so I joined The Well on January 23, 2005.

After I had been in the program for less than two weeks, The Well had showed me the love of God, how much He cares, what is most important in life, and how to support my family in the right way. I made a decision to receive Christ into my life. I am very happy to know that I have a future and that they will stand beside me to help me carry my burdens and care for my family.

http://servantworks.org/pontipcopyright 2006 servantworks powered by modx

The Streets I Feared to See
I said: "Let me walk in the field."
God said: "Nay, walk in the town."
I said: "There are no flowers there."
He said: "No flowers but a crown."
I said: "but the sky is black,There is nothing but noise and din."
But He wept as he sent me back,"There is more," he said, "there is sin."

I said: "but the air is thick, And fog is veiling the sun."
He answered: "Yet souls are sick,And souls in the dark undone."
I said: "I shall miss the light, And friends will miss me, they say."
He answered me: "Choose tonight If I am to miss you, or they."
I pleaded for time to be given.
He said: "Is it hard to decide? It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide."
I cast one look at the fields,
Then set my face to the town.
He said: "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"
Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine
The streets I had feared to see.
George MacDonald (1824-1905)

Indiscriminate compassion

The Last Word By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.Issue #211, May/June 2007

A week or so ago at the grocery store, a scraggily man asked me for a dollar as I got into my car.
I had a few dollars in my pocket but I ignored him and drove off. Then on the way home I began to feel seriously convicted, and it just wouldn't go away. I kept thinking about the parable of the Good Samaritan and the question, "Who is my neighbor?"
Even though I lead a ministry that helps the homeless, I had decided there were some poor people I wasn't going to help. I was keeping hustlers and panhandlers at arm's length.
I guess it started several years ago. Scruffy people with "Will Work for Food" signs were at every intersection. I drove around Dallas and met with 24 of these sign folks, mostly men, some in wheelchairs, some with a child or a cute dog. Instead of giving them money, I offered each one a place to stay, food and a (low paying) job with no strings attached.
In every case they told me that they were not interested. I found out from one of them that they all worked for one individual who provided them with room, board and transportation. Each one was pulling in several hundred dollars a week, many times more than we make at Trinity Foundation.
Now I realized I was using my little test with the "sign men" to excuse my not giving money to the grocery store beggar.
In that Good Samaritan parable, the priest and Levite who passed by the half-dead man knew the dangers of the road and also the stories, ruses and schemes that thieves employed to entrap travelers. Guided by prudence, fear, custom and a sense of the importance of their own agendas, they both "passed by on the other side" and into infamy.
Suddenly, I found myself one with them.
In that parable, Jesus redefined neighbor to mean the person you come across in need. In the Sermon on the Mount He hinted at this when He told them to love their enemies (Matt 5:43, 44). Christians today are still confused about the definition of neighbor.
To love our neighbor as ourselves is not a suggestion; it is a command and the only way we are tested to see if we love God "with all our heart, soul and mind." All the Law and Prophets hang on this, Jesus said.
That's why He said the poor would always be with us—to test whether our professed love of God is real.
The word "poor" in Greek is ptochos. It means destitute of money, influence, position or honor—someone powerless to accomplish an end.
In the common Greek language at the time of Christ it was always used in a bad sense. In the Gospels, the meaning was ennobled and elevated because those of this class most readily gave themselves up to the faith of Christ and proved able to lay hold of the heavenly treasures.
That is still true today. At the time of Christ, the Jews were very good at meeting the needs of other Jews because in the Law that's how they defined neighbor (Lev 19:18); but in their interpretation, mercy did not extend to other peoples and it certainly did not extend to enemies of Israel.
During the Katrina disaster we had a great example of this misunderstanding of "neighbor."
I received a call from a man who owned an apartment house. He wanted to make seven units available for Katrina victims. He and his church would completely furnish the apartments, buy food and clothing for the victims and provide free rent and utilities. We were excited about this and were planning to place seven families there.
The next day he called me with one provision: the victims we placed must sign a statement that they were Christians and actively involved in a church in New Orleans. He added that he wanted to make sure that Christians "help our own."
Suffice it to say, I turned down his offer. We found other places for the families to stay.
Conservative political commentator Michael Medved recently warned that liberals exhibit a "a gospel of indiscriminate compassion."
I don't know about liberals, but Jesus certainly did. There has always been a "social gospel," a gospel of "indiscriminate compassion."
Even historian Edward Gibbon, no lover of the church, admitted that the Christians' open hand to the poor "very materially conduced to the progress of Christianity" in the Roman world.
The Barbarian Conversion by Richard Fletcher describes Christianity's expansion into Europe in the centuries after the Roman Empire.
"It was customary," Fletcher says, "to set aside a fourth part, and in some parts of the church a third part, of ecclesiastical revenues for the relief of the poor. It was a wide category, including all those who fell through the supportive networks of kinfolk, neighbors or patrons—widows, orphans, refugees and travelers, the underemployed and the unlucky, the incapacitated and the captive."
In other words, the faithful embraced the human detritus that ringed their towns and villages, those who, as one ninth-century poem described, were "shut out at the gates, laying their cold limbs in the rubbish to warm them."
The Hebrew word that describes the tendency to separate and define—to discriminate—is parash, which is the root for Pharisee, the Jewish sect that Jesus criticized most.
When the church forgets the poor, it grows defensive, selfish, paranoid, pharisaical, brittle and quick to accuse and condemn. When it rediscovers the poor, it escapes from itself, giving itself away in love.
Let's open our hands to the poor... indiscriminately.
Ole's morning bible study is available here.
From http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/archives/lastword-211.html

Church Skipping

“God doesn’t want ritual, God wants our hearts” NOOMA 04- Sunday, Rob Bell

Hi Friends,
It is now very late at night and I should be sleeping so I can go to church in the morning instead of stay in bed. But instead I am up listening to the various podcasts my computer has downloaded—yes I told it to download most of them. I am starting to crave a good worship time with Jesus and a direct word from God- like buy that car, go here for a job, or she will be resolved soon. And actually I'm hearing sermons and words that speak to me. Which is actually why i am writing. because i am thinking. So the above quote reminded me I would not enjoy going to church most places tomorrow, because my heart would not be there.

Then another little snippet (advert) for Nooma came on with this opening line--well it was similar.
"Experts say in order to provide water, basic health and nutrition for all the people in the world, it would cost around 20 Billion dollars.... which is about how much Americans spend in ONE YEAR on ICE CREAM." Nooma 13- Rich Rob Bell.
This hit me not because I eat a lot of ice cream, but because i HATE the commericalizm of America (the West- you Germans and Aussies are included in this rant). And because said commercializm sucks me in. For example, I test drove a used Volvo yesterday because I couldn't fathom spending 41,500 roti on a Saturn, yet I could fathom spending 32,500 on a Volvo. (un)Luckily the Volvos I test drove were horrible and didn't make it more than a mile before letting me know the rear axle and doors were going to implode if I bought them. Why did I test drive them? one word: Status. Not that I would take excellent care of it or pour money into the falling apart interior to fix it, but I would be proud to drive it.
Proud. I hate that word too. but that's another rant.
It bugs me that I fall into that so easily, and therefore I have resorted to just seeking God once again. I am hoping he provides some great car-- good gas mileage and runs well-- for me...He might have- word coming on that.
It takes me more time now to figure out if I need extra food at Taco Bell (i am too fat really to even think of it), better clothes/ shoes than the grubbers in my closet, a better paying job than needed so I can buy things in addition to saving for college. (unofficial decision made about that- pricey, but God). Why do I do this? because I need to look good? to try something new? because I need it?
I am rich, i haven't had to beg for food in years, have had a roof --even if nylon or rotting wood-- over my head while i sleep for a long time, never had to run around naked-- well intentionally, and have been able to get medical care as really needed. I hate this feeling that i am entitled to more. I am not! thanks for your prayers. I have to go eat some $4 a pint ice cream to feel better. BTW- Rob Bell drives a Land Rover, not sure how i feel about that.

Secondly, I am really not looking forward to going into a "normal" office job again, but don't know a church or ministry that would hire me. And my heart aches more when i read stuff like this.
“I think the Church in America is in trouble. The Western church is losing 3,500 people a week, people who walk away from Christianity and are not coming back. At the same time, here's the good news, Christianity is growing by more than that in Africa, Asia and Latin America. ” –Jimmy Dorrell. From Wittenburg Door. http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/archives/dorrell.html
I don't really want to be part of the American church if people are not going to listen. I would much rather be part of a church plant in seasia where i have to work all day. I would love to sit around with men and talk about their lives drinking some teh tarik or ca fe sua da. Have men buy me a dish of mien ga or nasi lemak and then here them confess they did something great, or wrong. I don't care. I would love to sit with some homeless dudes who spent 25 years in a thai prison, again. And for some reason when I tell them about the struggles of Moses, Samson or Peter, they appreciate me.
So thanks for the prayers there too.

LIFE Update
I am still at my mom's slowly helping make her yard look nicer and maybe her basement more spacious. I get to play with a chainsaw this week and hopefully not get poison ivy anytime soon. I am still not happy I am home instead of on the trail, but see the purpose and God is still with me.
Thanks for the prayers.

Also thanks to all those who sent me emails this week. I enjoyed that.

In Him.
Jeremiah

God's thoughts on "disappointment"

Ephesians 5:1-2a "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love..."

I heard this at podcast church this morning (actually Cornerstone Simi podcast) and realized that God desires me and us to just be.
I dont want people think i am horribly depressed or hating life. I had a good adventure on the trail and am just disappointed that I left early. I feel strongly that financial and physical accountability are more important than following a dream, especially since I do still have time in the future.
I am disappointed that... I am now forced to become responsible 5 months earlier than expected.
I am disappointed that...I spent money on gear to get through the trail at cost plus instead of on sale.

I am however not disappointed that i made friends with people from around the world, saw some of the best views in the southeast US, hiked 235+ miles, lost 20+ pounds and a couple inches, stayed on the trail for a month, heard from God, showed others that all christians are not bungholes, and reconed the trailed for a successful trip next year.

I pray you all are well. Send me a lot of email to keep my occupied until I get a job.

disappointment

mass mail not everyone recieved. those who comment can be added to the list if they desire.
hi friends.
I am writing from my mom's computer, which means i have been off the trail for a week. I was able to get a ride back with a fellow hiker last week and have been sitting and contemplating life since than- mostly mine, occasionally others.
The facts are these.
- I have spent nearly 80% of my budget for the trail—I grossly underestimated the costs.
- I have 2,000 USD in dental bills for work I am in the process of getting done.
- I don't have the proper gear to efficiently and safely complete the trail.
- I have hurt muscles and joints that still occasionally struggle to move forward.
- The time line to complete the trail without skipping sections passed 2 weeks ago.

Basically I started late, slowly and unprepared which led me to my current state. It is therefore most logical for me to stop the dream for another 11 months. I plan to return to the trail next April or May and complete it then. These 11 months will give me the time to save money for college, the trail and pay off debts I have started accumulating. I will also be close to my family, be near affordable gyms where I can get into shape and hopefully partner with a church that will allow me to be sent to college and the field with their blessing.

God spoke to me a good deal on the trail. The most common three words were "go", "love", and "be". I think these can be arranged to become "go be love" and the phrase "love, be, go" which is the motto for my next chapter of life, which includes writing a resume to find a job (first resume since 2003), a car and a school.

GA residents- if you know of a working, inexpensive car for sale (FREE?) that is not far from Austell, please let me know- 4-819-4719. thanks.

Thank you all for your prayers for a car, my resume work and a job, and coping with an early exit from the trail.

As to keep it short I will end here and post more on my blog as I desire.

Peace and love to those who just "be".
Jeremiah

My Ride with Chicken Feathers

Other Possible Titles:
No Book this year
I'm a Cubs fan, there’s always next year
28 days of what?
I told You so
You told me so.
I’m Outta Money

I write for readers. Please be a reader.
So I hit a major wall about 5 or 6 days ago—Last Tuesday. The hills were really painful; waking in the morning was annoying and always too early; the food was tasteless; the rain, wind, sun… were extra annoying; the last hill I could take each day was actually the 12th to last; my feet, legs and every muscle, joint, and tendon in them started feeling all the rocks and roots on the trail. I started wondering how to fix the problem. I took a day off in Gatlinburg, but when I got back on the trail I decided I would see if I could lay out a week north of Hot Springs, North Carolina. In Virginia was the original thought. I realized I was not as prepared as nearly everyone else I met on the trail. I saw many prepared people already bow out with knee and back injuries from pushing it too hard. Serious, life long knee injuries. Then it became Hot Springs, then it became going back home for week to rest and save money, leaving from Hot Springs. So I prayed* about it a little. These thoughts were all spinning in my head as I walked 17 miles out of Newfound Gap and into Tri Corner Knob, near the end of the Smokies. The shelter was nearly full, but I found space and set up my mat and bag. I talked with some of the guys and as the sun set I slept. When I woke up I felt like God had released me from the trail and had set something in motion to allow me to leave. So I was wondering how to get home from Hot Springs, I had heard there was no Greyhound or Amtrak near. So that would mean it would be a lot of money to be shuttled to the nearest town (200$+) and then I would have to get picked up. “Is it worth just staying in a hotel? Should I just push on?” were my thoughts. “Am I being lazy? Can I do this?” were more.
Of course as I am going uphill and the wind is really cold, I am thinking that I need to get off the trail. As I go downhill, and the sun is warm I am thinking another 200 miles is possible. But in that day I also fell twice, once I limped away for at least half a mile. This told me my body was tired. Very tired. My feet were twisted and turned one time too many. My ankles were folded one time too many. My knees were scrapped one time too many.
Then as I sat down for a 5 minute rest at the bottom of the hill, the sky became brighter as a light bulb turned on in my head. “that one guy is going home tomorrow…he is only a few hours away he said, that means he is from the south…alabama? … maybe Georgia?...maybe, just maybe I could get a ride near mom’s home.” So I prayed up the next hill and down a couple more miles then caught up with Chicken Feathers (trail name). I asked where he was headed in the morning?
“Atlanta”
“Really, mind if I pay for a tank of gas and come with?”
“yeah, we can do that”

Sweet! I was going home for some rest. It was about 5 pm now and there was NO cell reception all day so I walked farther up the trail to a road where was still no reception. I couldn’t call and let anyone know. And now I had to walk another mile uphill to the shelter.

As I went uphill I thought about leaving the trail and was saddened, but even with no pack on, my legs, feet and back were really hurting going up that hill. I knew it was needed. I felt released by God and now needed to follow this angel he provided to take me back to Atlanta.

Upon further discussion with Chicken Feathers he didn’t want any money, and would drop me at the house. No need for shuttling, just door to door service.
On the way off the trail (3 miles to trailhead) I fell again. It was confirmation of my exhaustion.
So now I sit at this computer, again, not sure what I am going to do, again, and wondering what the future holds, again. My budget for the trip is close to spent and there is still more gear I should upgrade. I am in better shape now, but still not great shape and probably a few months of the gym would help. The options are below and I am planning to make a decision this Friday. I feel if I try to decide before than would either say “No More” or “Let’s Go” prematurely and unwisely. Thanks for praying with me.

* I don’t know how to define a prayer anymore. I start every morning with a “God, be with me today, let me walk in your way.” And end with a “Thanks God for another day. Amen” and there is a lot of communication in between. Thus I say I prayed a little, but there was a lot of thoughts-which God knows and hears, thereby possibly making them prayers. So maybe I “prayed” a lot. I don’t know.

options
A. Return May 1 next year to finish after a year of saving money, working out and researching and buying appropriate gear. Basically do the prep i should have done this year.
B. Start back in Harper’s Ferry (WV, half way point) in a few weeks heading north and then return and south bound section missed.
C. Return in 2 weeks to same spot I left (Davenport Gap, TN) and continue as far as possible then flip to Maine and come down, most likely at Harpers Ferry.
D. Start in Maine in Mid June and become a south bounder
E. Win the lottery, buy all go lite gear, get endorsement and run the trail
F. Win the lottery, buy all ultralite gear, and do the trail in 100 days starting in June
G. Win the lottery and slack pack the trail with steak and eggs and Waffle House made to order at all the shelters
H. Win the lottery and slack pack the trail with Raja and Auntie Annette flown into to custom make all food. CARBS!!!
I. Never go back to the trail, or hike, ever again (become a fat lazy American)

Injury Time Out on the field

Hi friends,
I am back at my mothers house outside atlanta. I got a free ride from the trail back here yesterday. My legs and back hurt and i need time off.
I dont know what I will do. I want to go back to the trail, but might need to wait until next year.
I am processing myself what I am doing and will write more when I can. peace. jeremiah

Dollywood, here i am

Hi friends,
so i came into Gatlinburg Tennessee last night to resupply food and a couple other things and the bed was so nice i ordered another day.
I have gone nearly 205 miles thus far which leaves me just under 2,000 to go. I did my biggest day yet on Sunday with 15.4 miles and will hopefully keep the average closer to 15 from now on. my knees, ankles and blisters are healed or healing and I feel good generally. I am just not energetic enough often to get over the hills and rocks. This trail definitely has its ups and downs (rim shot). i am hiking in sandals right now which all the cool kids are doing, but i noticed the soles are wearing thin, so i think i will need to get another pair of shoes in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully they last until then.
I have been doing good and am glad so many people read this.
i read emails.

Day in the LIfe I

hi friends.
So I am in Fontana Dam waiting for a box at the Post Office. It is home to the Fontana Hilton of shelters, but still not exciting enough to keep me from being bored about 2 hours ago until well i sleep tonight.
Thoughts that have come to mind recently include:
- Oprah is worshiped and enjoys it. I saw about 20 minutes of her show while i was eating pizza. She had a dance troupe spell her name and then a singer songwriter that sang "dear Oprah". That and the half of a pizza made me sick to my stomach so i left.

404
(the next day)
I am still bored and it is a day later. I am still in Fontana and still don't have a package. But hopefully the nice mail lady will send my boots back home when they arrive next week. I am still in the foot hills of the Smoky Mtns and will enter the Great Smoky Mountain National Park in the morning.
I have wasted some of the time reading Rebel With A Cause by Franklin Graham. It is quite interesting. You all should read it, I am only a few chapters in but enjoy the thought process of the "world's greatest evangelist"'s son's stories. 819
I am hoping god will show me answers to my questions about evangelism, faith, love, my occupation, and others and that i would eventually be able to define some of those words. So far I have only defined "relational evangelism"- living a life that gives hope to those you are in relationship with whether through love or friendship. That changed from my original thought on the 3rd night of the trail "living like your life is better than another 's so they will change."
I remember my last leader told me about another situation- "give them hope not theology, they don't need theology now" this is now my mantra i think, praying that after i offer people hope they will research the theology they desire. 47
Amen? Amen! Praise God.....Hallelujiah.
Ok well there is a line for the free computer so you all enjoy and call the number hidden in this message and leave me a voice mail. 19


F.R.O.G.

Wet & Cold no more

Hi friends.

How are you all? I just read over my Isaiah inspired rant and wanted to add that I am more of a trainer/discipler, AFTER people make a choice. So if you help people make choices and have a burden for that - Thanks- it's all needed in the body.

I am doing well and figured I would give an up date on the hike. I am at mile 133.9 in Nanantahala, North Carolina near Bryson City & I think Asheville ("local paper")

This week I will make it over to 2,000 miles left mark and into the great smoky mountains National Park. The weather has been good until yesterday, when I carried at least 6 inches of rain up & down the hills for the region. My tent, and pack are still drying in my room. My gear is starting to look more used and I have upgraded my tent (Golite Tarp Tent) switched to sandals instead of leather boots and am looking for a better suited sleeping bag than my o degree Alaskan special. Surprisingly it is too warm for me most of the night and too heavy most of the day.

My injuries are still few with only a couple of nicks on the knees, blisters on my heels and some sore muscles. I haven't gotten any deep revelation from God yet, so keep helping me seek... Blessings!
Thanks
Jeremiah

"Head in the Clouds"

27 April 2007

Hi Friends.

I experienced my first rainy day today. Hiked 7.3 miles in about 3 hours, even with the hills and slopes I made it my best day. When I arrived at the shelter I noticed the rain cloud was on top of the hill and it stayed there until the morning. With the rain and it being a Thursday it was only me and my Londoner pal-Ant-who stayed in the shelter. So we had good discussions, laughs, and a lot of dark chocolate and Vietnamese coffee to keep us warm. Luckily the wind and rain didn't penetrate our water proof suits.

I have become known as "The Christian" to some people, so have started getting questions that lead to discussions on faith & religion and such. I enjoy hearing new perspectives and being outside the bubble, still not an Evangelist but enjoying just letting people think. Thanks for the prayers thoughts and caring.

Be blessed,
Jeremiah

Isaiah 16:15 inspired words

Hi friends,

I am reading through the book of Isaiah and have been struck by 16:5: In love a throne... faithfulness... in judging seeks justice and speeds cause of righteousness.

When I read this verse it blew me away. As I walk and talk with people on the trail, Christians are often not mentioned in a good light. Usually with negatives stories. I.E. a group was handing out snacks & pocket Bibles to the hikers then the Hotel rooms in the next town had those pocket Bibles filling the drawers and Cabinets. They were given with a sense of duty and "conversion" when many of these hikers wanted to see Christians standing for justice and righteousness. They want to see LOVE! They have heard they are going to hell for drinking, fornicating, working on Sunday and owning a nice house. Then someone says "Jesus Loves You" but that is not put in action.

So please pray I will know how to show love to those searching and not be another "TYPICAL" story to those who are content with other ways of life. It is about a personal choice and sadly so many Christians don't act as if people need time to choose. Also the few Christians I have met on the trail are not providing justice or righteous words or actions. Lusting as they talk of revival. Judging as they have words of disliking judgement. I feel I need to be different.

Thanks for the prayers
In Him
Jeremiah

The Nalgene Incident

29 April 2007
Hi friends,
I am taking my first zero day today and have been enjoying it. I refilled my food sack with granola bars, oatmeal, rice, tortillas, and some sausage and cheese. I am hoping it will last me until at least Thursday, possibly longer.
I have been having a good time on the trail as the weather has been incredibly excellent. Only one windy day and one rainy day, although they were really windy and really spitting rain, respectively. I have met and been hiking with about 6 people that i leap frog and then get leap frogged. I am currently a day behind them, as I went slow the day of the rain and they pushed. about 5 people have already sustained injuries to knees and feet that i know, and said injuries have led them to stay out or go home. So I have been slow and careful with my knees and feet. I have a couple injuries which are now very minor, and mostly healed, and have not stopped me from hiking yet. just a couple scratches and healing blisters.
I have also seen and heard a lot of crazy things of late. the best has to be the Nalgene Incident where a nalgene got stuck in a tree 35 feet of the ground, 10 feet higher than the other end of the bear rope, which was also stuck (wrapped in fact) in another tree. this happened at 1030 pm with the owls laughing at us. If you live in the South east US it is very possible that you heard the 4 of us laughing, as it was the funniest thing, well ironic, thing we have ever seen. It just kept getting worse! I realize this is not the best telling, but ask me if you see me again and I will fill in details. Oh this happened with Nitty Gritty Dirt Man, Jolly Green Giant and Freeloader's Revenge aka Cheese Whiz aka Flash in case you are wondering.
I have been sleeping at 9 or 10 pm and waking by 7am which is amazing for those that know me, and also this means it is approaching my bed time and said bed is full of things that need to be packed, so i will sign off here. There is a postcard en route so you all will be able to read more soon. My next planned stop is at the Nantahala Outdoor Center in North Cackalaky next Saturday so maybe i will write more than.

thanks for the love and prayers.
Till Next time, Be Blessed.
Jeremiah

My trip companions before I leave

That's me - the big spot in the middle of the forest!

You're in for Hell today

hi friends
quick note. I am in a hiker hostel w free internet. i needed a shower more than asians need rice. not for smell but for soreness. i have hiked a little over 21 miles thus far, but have a blister the size of a silver dollar...pancake!...on my left heel. It is painful and just ripped open today. So i got a shower and some mexican food to assist the fat kid in his start of 2100 miles of walking. I have adopted the trail name F.R.O.G. which stands for fully rely on God. which is what i have had to do. He provided yesterday with some dudes with extra water to help me after 3 hours no h20 and also kept the sun up until i reached the shelter. literally it set as I stepped into the shelter. we fought earlier as the peaks were hard, my shoulders and knees were sore, and my blister was swelling. But now we are good, cause he showed me he still cares. So tommorrow is fday 4 of 6 months and i am already sore and hurty....woo hoo!
ok. sleep is looming. thanks again for the prayers. I read emails.
jeremiah
PS the subject is what some dude told me about the 12+ miles and 4 peaks yesterday

PICTURES!!!!

Hi friends,

so some of you want photos of what i will look like for the next 6 months. I will be getting skinner but this is what the pack will look like with minor changes. Maybe i will take a couple photos at the end to show how i changed.

Front View notice the walking stick

Side View-- notice how i take up the whole hall way!!

I have finished all of my prep work and said goodbye to my sister and family. My niece helped me train by making me help her find caterpillars around the yard. We walked around the back yard at least 20 times, stepping on pine cones reviewing colors of flowers and walking upstairs every time.

I have also packed for the last time. I didn't weigh it out of fear, but it fits well and i think i will adjust to it in the first couple days. So folks, I have my tent, sleeping bag, some food, a bible, a journal, a couple changes of clothes and a head lamp. And tomorrow I will take the first step of 5 million that will hopefully end before October.

Thanks for the prayers and love.

jeremiah

Almost Left

Hi Kids,
The trip is almost started. It has been delayed a couple days by a ferocious cold and cough and runny nose i have that has been zapping my energy.
as for the preparation, I have spent time with my family including the weekend with my sister and played a good bit with my niece. I set up my tent, bought a new stove and tested it. I tested my water filter, and bought food to take with me.
I packed the bag tonight and it weighed in at 40 lbs. I will be cutting down the load a little tomorrow-- i was hoping to start with no more than 35lbs. I will be hitting the trail Friday morning after the 2 hour drive up there.
For those who care, I am weighing in at 235 lbs-- we will see what I weigh in at the end.
So Krissy will be taking over updating most of this from my postcards.
Thanks for the prayers and thoughts. they are needed and required.

Jeremiah

The Scripture and the Story

the scripture
Luke 24:13-15- That very day two of them were going to a village named Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and they were talking with each other about all these things that had happened. While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them.
the story
over the past 2 years i have had a lot of information about Jesus, God, the Bible and Christianity placed, pushed and occasionally crammed into my head. and with this love, forgiveness, new creation and other topics have also come to the forefront. Yet because of schedules, work, relationship with others, sleep and burn out they have often been shoved to the side. the teachings are to be blamed on YWAM and community of believers there. I have read a lot of the bible but not as in depth as my desire. I saw and tasted many cultures that both amazed and depressed me. I have had my life path/ plan changed many times in the past years. I fell in love and then out and then in and out a few more times. I made friends with people going to hell, but never told them that. And they moved on or just sat there while i wondered my role.

these are some of the reasons for the walk. I am not currently burnt out, but was in the past year. I am not currently in a position that is difficult to leave, but was in the past year and i am not currently a normal student, but was for the past year.
During this trip I am hoping God will reveal in some sort of revelation the following things to me during the hike:
- the connectivity and flow of the Bible would be clearer
- my position and role (piece) of the Body of Christ he desires me to serve in
- the marital status he desires me to keep- single to do more, or married to raise family. and if so, how late in life.
- the incarnational gospel to become larger and stronger in me
- the place of my life mission (more specific than earth, or Asia)
- the place of my education in Fall 08

I am also going to enjoy the beauty of the Creator and his Creation.

this came about when i felt like i was missing a lot of what God had for me and asking him to allow me a short time of processing and communion with him. When i first heard the word to do the trail. months ago, i thought it was too good to be true, but he showed me that sometimes he allows those with busy schedules to be taken out of them for a season so they will become more equipped to be more efficient and effective at their work. This is what was spoken and therefore this trail, along with a college experience in 2008 will make me more efficient and effective in my ministry.

Thanks to all of you committed to joining me on this journey prayerfully and "in spirit". I will be a better man when i return from Maine and hopefully more full of Jesus than at any other time in my life.
I plan to leave home with my mom Wednesday morning and begin the 8 mile hike from Amicalola Falls up to Springer Mountain where the trail officially begins. she will go home, i will meet her again in October.

For those interested I will try to explain some of the prep work in a post in the next couple days.

Peace and Glory of Christ be upon you.
Jeremiah